Love & Respect Book

It’s true that women have intuition and that men should listen to them. It’s also true that women have blind spots and need the insight of their husbands.

When you look to God and His Word as your ultimate source of significance and security, you don’t demand that your spouse take that role in your life. And as you draw strength from the Lord individually, He draws you closer together as a couple.

God is not trying to trick you or mess with you. Trust that He wants to reveal Himself to you just as much as He wants to reveal Himself to the world.

When you’re truly Christ-centered, instead of child-centered, you will be a more effective parent in the long run.

To get offended is easy, but to forgive is within your power as you walk in His steps.

When a husband feels disrespected, it is especially hard to love his wife. When a wife feels unloved, it is especially hard to respect her husband.

Never give up. If you want to have a strong marriage, you need to accept temporary setbacks as part of the game.

You have two ears and one mouth; use them proportionately.

Always try to look at your spouse the way Jesus does.

Men are solution oriented, they love to solve problems. They want to be helpful.

If a husband loves his wife as he should, she will feel honored and respected. If a wife respects her husband as she should, he will feel loved and appreciated. It’s a win-win.

Do you seek to understand or only to be understood?

He will feel appreciated when you recognize his problem-solving approach as his male brand of empathy.

The parent-child relationship is as easy, and as difficult, as love and respect.

Wives, to energize your husband do an activity with him, shoulder-to-shoulder, without talking.

When one of you makes a mistake, control any anger you may feel and trust God completely, no matter what happens.

We are either going to give in the darkness or we are going to give into the darkness.

Do not live by the standards of Hollywood; trust what God says in His Holy Word.

When you relinquish an offense, you need to send that offense somewhere. So follow Jesus’ example and release it to your heavenly Father.

Words of love from a husband are like good medicine that brings life to the marriage.

If a husband chooses to be a peacemaker--taking the needs and concerns of his wife totally into account during any kind of argument or conflict--his wife will be motivated in turn to respond to his authority during stalemates.

You cannot use unholy means to achieve a worthy end.

Thank God for joining you together and for allowing you to trust Him to help you, whatever the issue. God is there for you and expects you to look to Him to keep you together as a team, so ask Him for His help in the smallest of concerns. “So they are no longer two, but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let no man separate.” (Matthew 19:6)

No matter how difficult your spouse may be at the moment, your spouse does not have control over your reaction; you do. You may be experiencing disappointment, frustration, or anger, but you always have a choice.

Thank the Lord that in the very beginning He created them male and female – Blue and Pink. Ask Him for patience and ever-growing understanding of how men and women see and hear differently. “He created them male and female, and He blessed them.” (Genesis 5:2)

It’s so easy to dismiss our spouse as childish because we don’t have the same vulnerabilities they do.

Do you understand that God feels compassion for you, no matter what you have done or what your circumstances may be?

To build a lasting legacy, use proven wisdom that you glean from the Lord.

We must bring our identity in Christ to our parenting—we must not derive our identity from our children.

A marriage relationship will be energized when couples learn how to motivate each other God’s way.

Assuming goodwill can be revolutionary in relationships.

Your husband knows you appreciate his desire to protect and provide when you praise his commitment to provide for you. You empathize when he reveals his male mindset about position, status, or rank at work.

Women give a report to build rapport. Men bond through shoulder-to-shoulder activities without talking.

Marriage is a tool and a test to allow God’s will to be revealed in our lives.

Research shows that 70% of the couples who were extremely unhappy in their marriage, but hung in there and worked through the tough time, identified themselves as being very happy five years later.

A most significant point of this book is this: If what we think is true, kind, necessary, and clear, we need to have the courage to hit send. This isn’t about refraining from speaking; this is about speaking.

Do you bow to the influence of Hollywood or God’s Holy Word?

Avoid like the plague trying to punish each other as a means of “motivation.” Christ-followers instinctively know that this destroys any opportunity to act out of reverence for Christ. In all marital issues, love and reverence for Christ must be our primary motivation.

Although the Crazy Cycle is not what God intends for any marriage, all couples get on it at times from one degree to another.

When there is confusion, I try to refrain from attacking another for not listening carefully (which may not be the case). Instead, I take a run at communicating again, but more clearly.

A husband may deserve contempt, but that doesn’t win him any more than harshness and anger wins the heart of a woman.

Be a part of the solution, not part of the problem.

Thank God for His forgiveness of your mistakes. In trying to be a loving man or a respectful woman, we blow it. Owning up to mistakes is never easy, but it is always the way to move forward. Take good care not to accuse your spouse of mistakes as you pray. Also, pray about any forgiving to be done in the family, any forgiveness that needs to be asked. Children may need forgiveness (and what about Mom and Dad?). “There is no one on earth who does what is right all the time and never makes a mistake.” (Ecclesiastes 7:20)

The key to motivating another person is meeting their deepest need, especially during conflict.

Holding back your love or respect will just keep the Crazy Cycle spinning away, but being mature and making the first move could slow it down.

We fool ourselves into thinking the other person causes us to be the way we are. They really don’t! But if we lock into that idea, we become helpless, hopeless victims.

So I encourage every husband and wife to commit to the Jesus Way of Talking. Instead of allowing the stress of the situation to control you, you can say to yourself, “Because I love the Lord and I know that He rewards every good word, I am going to be truthful even if my spouse is not. I will also be uplifting, forgiving, thankful and scriptural in my speech because my ultimate goal is to please the Lord. Whatever my spouse’s weaknesses or bad habits might be, I will not let them cause me to sin with my lips.”

Will we decide how we see God based on our circumstances, or will we see our circumstances in light of how we view God?

Be friendly. Be friendly. Be friendly. Watch what happens.

There is power and freedom that comes in understanding that no one can cause you to react in a certain way. It is your choice.

When Jesus said “turn the other cheek,” He wasn’t saying to be passive wimps. He was teaching that physically people can control you but if you turn and give the other cheek, suddenly you’re in control and you’re making the choices.

Truth will carry its own weight if delivered respectfully and lovingly.

Often the apparent issue isn’t the real issue; the real issue is always a matter of love or respect.

Ladies, be careful. “A nagging wife goes on and on like the drip, drip, drip of the rain” (Proverbs 19:13).

Positive changes flood a relationship immediately when both husband and wife cancel the blame game!

Your spouse can affect you, but your spouse does not control you.

When you possess a forgiving spirit, words of Love and Respect will flow authentically from your lips- and realize that the Lord Himself is listening to you at moments like these. He knows you are not powerless, but actually full of power that He has granted you.

The Love and Respect message is not about a husband earning his wife’s respect by being more loving any more than it is about a wife earning her husband’s love by being more respectful. Always love or respect is given unconditionally according to God’s commands.

When you look to God and His Word as your ultimate source of significance and security, you don’t demand that your spouse take that role in your life. And as you draw strength from the Lord individually, He draws you closer together as a couple.

Suppressing negative feelings is not loving, respectful or very wise. Speak up tactfully.

You must distinguish between “I can’t” and “I won’t.”

We can all have moments of anger, but this does not mean we have to lose control and sin.

Mistakes can’t be undone, but they can be forgiven.

Unconditional love or respect is never wasted. Hang onto this promise: “Let us not lose heart in doing good, for in due time we will reap if we do not grow weary” (Galatians 6:9).

Feeling unloved, a wife gets defensive and acts offensively without respect. Feeling disrespected, a husband gets defensive and acts offensively without love.

Knowing my spouse will not be able to love or respect me perfectly, I commit to having a forgiving spirit so that I may never speak hatefully or contemptuously.

Refuse to let evil turn you into a contemptuous and hateful person.

Unconditional respect, like unconditional love, is all about how one sounds (tone of voice and word choice) and appears (facial expressions and physical actions).

We might say that every negative action in the family has an equal and opposite negative reaction.

When the wife flatly says her husband will have to earn her respect before she gives him any, she leaves the husband in a lose-lose situation. Now he is responsible for both love and respect in the relationship. He must unconditionally love his wife and earn her respect.

When a husband feels disrespected, he has a natural tendency to react in ways that feel unloving to his wife. (Perhaps the command to love was given to him precisely for this reason!) When a wife feels unloved, she has a natural tendency to react in ways that feel disrespectful to her husband. (Perhaps the command to respect was given to her precisely for this reason!)

God rewards your obedience to love and respect, even if your spouse does not respond!

His love motivates her respect. Her respect motivates his love.

The moment we cry to Him for help, He is already pleased. He gives us strength to love our children.

As strong and powerful as marriage bonds can become, our deepest dependency must be on the Lord, not another human being.

God’s commands are there to help us, not to hinder us or hold us back as male and female.

Respect for the husband is just as important as love for the wife.

When you love or respect unconditionally regardless of the outcome, you are following God and His will for you.

A woman needs love like she needs air to breathe. A man needs respect like he needs air to breathe.

As a husband, if you can grasp that you don’t always have to solve your wife’s problems, you will take a giant step toward showing her empathy and understanding.

[Husbands] as the church places her burdens on Christ, so a woman needs to place her burdens on her husband. When she shares with you, don’t assume she is asking you to solve the problem. Ask your wife, “Do you want a solution or a listening ear?”

We easily see what is done to us before we see what we are doing to our mate.

Words of Love or Respect must uplift your spouse, edifying- never manipulating him or her.

Often both spouses have goodwill but are not deciphering each other’s code. She criticizes out of love, but he “hears” only disrespect. He distances himself to prevent feelings from escalating, which is the honorable thing to do, but she “sees” only his failure to be loving!

The Crazy Cycle is, indeed, “the evil of folly and the foolishness of madness” (Ecclesiastes 7:25).

A major step toward a happy marriage is accepting differences and working them out with love and respect.

When a husband chooses to do or say something loving, and that includes saying, ‘I’m sorry for coming across in an unloving way,’ he energizes his wife. When a wife decides to express herself respectfully, and that includes apologizing for her disrespectful attitude, she energizes her husband.

It’s hard to realize that we would never act around our business associates the way we act around our spouse.

When evil comes at you, you’re the one who makes the choice of whether or not it is going to go into you.

Trusting and obeying God’s Word because we love and reverence God never, ever makes us a hypocrite! When the alarm goes off in the morning, we get up, even when we don’t feel like it getting up. Because we do what we don’t feel like doing, does that make us hypocrites? No, it’s a sign we are responsible people. Showing respectful behavior when we don’t “feel respectful” is evidence of maturity.

Pink and Blue perceptions not only affect seeing, they affect hearing as well. Women hear with pink hearing aids and men hear with blue hearing aids. Even more important to understand as you and your spouse seek to gain better communication, you can hear the very same words, but each of you will hear different messages.

If you want your husband to express appreciation for your attempts to be respectful, you must speak thankfully when he tries to be loving.

Marriage is a tool and a test to deepen and demonstrate your love and your reverence for Jesus Christ.

If a husband is commanded to agape- love his wife, then she truly needs love.

You have to become proactive, rather than just trying to stop the reactive.

You can be right in the argument, but wrong in your approach.

Mutual understanding, not communication, is the key to a healthy marriage relationship.

Your spouse may meet many of your needs, but your deepest dependency should be on your Lord.

To not forgive is to shoot yourself in the foot and put extra gas in the Crazy Cycle.

We send each other messages in “code” based on gender, even though we don’t intend to. What I say is not what you hear, and what you think you heard is not what I meant at all.