This week at home, take time to read and meditate on this material which reinforces the video content you just heard in group. Prayerfully apply the questions and assignments to your personal situation.

Who Does God Think He Is?

On the video, Emerson reads the following letter from Lisa:

I vividly remember being so excited to read the secret of marriage from Ephesians 5:33. I then became despaired at the awareness that there was no way I could pull that off. None. “Let’s be real,” I thought, “Are you kidding me?” I knew what I was “supposed to do” but I had no desire to even venture a step in that direction. Why would I have to humble myself and open myself to even more pain? Why did I have to work on this marriage alone? What about my husband…does he get off scott free? Terrific. My situation seemed hopeless. My attitude was not enthusiastic and I did not even see how I could show respect to a man who I felt did not love me.

So what made me do it? I used to think God was indifferent to me. He loved me because He was supposed to, because the Bible says so. I had the opinion that He was too busy with greater things to think about like world hunger and countries at war. My view of Him was limited but I knew He could do something. I wasn’t sure He would, but I knew enough about Him that He could. It was my last ditch effort.

Although Lisa felt desperate, she had a basic faith that God was able to help her. She decided to give Him a try…and her marriage eventually was restored by applying the radical principles of respect. We will hear more about her testimony in Session 5, but here’s the point: You are more likely to step out in faith when you have a foundation of trust. Lisa found that God was completely trustworthy, in spite of her fears.

We asked you to identify your fears as you began this study on respect. On the video for this week, Emerson summarized the fears that most women express as the primary reasons they hesitate to take this step towards respect.

We understand that each of these fears is real. The fear of emotional hurt and pain holds many of us back because we have already experienced pain in our marriage. We don’t want to subject ourselves to even more emotional pain. We feel vulnerable.

I Can't; It's Foolish

On the video, Emerson clarified that we are not talking about physical pain. He saw his own Dad attempt to strangle his Mom, resulting in her leaving the marriage for a time of separation. (See Appendix B in the back of this study guide. If you are in harm’s way, talk to a professional and get help immediately.)

Others of you feel like this idea of respecting a man is completely foolish. In fact, you may be thinking this is a bad idea! Certainly it is counter-intuitive and counter-cultural. Our culture tells us men don’t deserve respect…they must earn it…and if you don’t feel respect for your husband you would be hypocritical to show it! Not to mention feeding the male ego and narcissism! Yes, this does feel foolish because it’s so contrary to your nature, especially when you are feeling unloved. This is why it’s a command. But would a loving, all-wise God ask you to do something that’s foolish? John, the apostle of love, said His commandments are not burdensome. He’s not going to command us to do something that’s foolish. He’s too wise for that.

Some of you may be kind of excited about this idea and really want to do it, but you’re afraid you can’t. What if you fail? Worse yet, what if you try it and your husband doesn’t respond? You’ve been on the crazy cycle so long, you feel incapable of getting off and you lack the energy to try.

Well, we can tell you that you will fail…we all do. But did you know God is all-powerful? He’s not going to ask you to do something he doesn’t help you to do! He wants to help you! James says you have not, because you ask not. You can ask Him to help you.

Notice what Lisa concluded. She needed to come to a point where she trusted God to respond to her cries for help. It’s ok to bring your brokenness…your feelings…and say, “Lord, I can’t do this. Lord, have mercy upon me.” The Holy Spirit is called the Helper because we need His help!

With God's Help

Do you believe there is a God who really loves you and wants to help you like both Lisa and Emerson experienced? Or is your view of God limited? Does your opinion of Him come from a lack of experience with Him? Do the characteristics of your earthly father affect how you see your Heavenly Father? Some of us have had great earthly Dads that represent God the Father beautifully. Others have not. We need to understand that our feelings, experiences, and thoughts are not the true or complete nature of God.

Jesus tells the story of the Prodigal Son in Luke 15 to illustrate the nature of God. This is often considered the greatest short story ever told. In this story, Jesus is describing His Father. Read the story in Luke 15:11-31, focusing on the characteristics of the father. In verse 20, when his father sees him from a distance, he felt compassion.

Is this too good to be true? Do you understand that God feels compassion for you, no matter what you have done or what your circumstances may be? Can you begin to trust that God feels love for you even when you don’t feel that love?

When we grasp who God really is, we can take our focus off our fears of failure, pain, and foolishness and focus on the Father who feels compassion for us. Remember, He knows what He’s doing. We understand that He is not out to harm us, but what He asks us to do as wives is out of His heart to protect us, guide us, equip and empower us. Yes, there will be moments when your feelings tell you that this isn’t where you want to go. So why should you go there? Because He loves you! And He knows what He’s doing.

Ponder This

‍May we suggest that you are facing a crisis of faith more than you are facing a crisis in your marriage? Stop here. We ask you again, could this be a crisis of faith more than a marriage crisis? If we really understand who God is and what He says He will do, we can trust Him to take care of us.

Who does God think He is? He’s God! A God who loves you…and is wise…and is powerful…and can heal. Now you need to step out in faith and say I’m going to trust Him…because if you don’t have that, you’re going to quit.

Let’s Do This!

*1. This week, to show respect to your husband, find something to thank him for. And yes, you can find something! This will be easier for some of you than others. But look for the small things. This is a simple way to show respect. Examples: Providing for the family, working around the house, putting gas in the car, spending time with the kids, etc.

2. Which of the following fears that Emerson addressed on the video resonate with you? Check all that apply.

• Fear of emotional pain
• Fear of looking foolish
• Fear of failure

3. The best picture we have of God is found in the Bible. Read the following characteristics of God out loud every day in the upcoming week. Faith comes by hearing and hearing by the word of Christ (Romans 10:17), so as you hear who God is, your faith in Him will increase. This is also a form of praising God. Thank Him for who He is.

Scripture Tells Us:

• God is faithful (Deuteronomy 32:4)
• God is forgiving (Nehemiah 9:17)
• He loved me first (1 John 4:19)
• He’s my stronghold in times of trouble (Psalm 9:9)
• God comforts me (Isaiah 66:13; Jeremiah 8:18)
• He is love (1 John 4:8; 1 John 4:16)
• He is peace (Judges 6:24)
• He heals (Exodus 15:26)
• God loves us with great love (Ephesians 2:4)
• He’s my provider (Genesis 22:14)
• He’s my helper (Psalm 118:7)
• He’s my strong deliverer (Psalm 140:7)
• He shows loving-kindness (Exodus 20:6)
• God is great and mighty (Jeremiah 32:18)
• He is able to do more than I can ask or imagine (Ephesians 3:20)
• He is compassionate (2 Corinthians 1:3)
• Love is from God (1 John 4:7)
• He will keep me from stumbling (Jude 1:24)
• God is my Rock (Psalm 28:1)
• He’s my refuge in times of trouble (Psalm 59:16)
• He’s my redeemer (Isaiah 47:4)
• God loves the world (John 3:16)

What scriptures will you focus on? Write them out on cards to carry with you throughout the week.

4. Describe how you see God in your life. Will you make a decision to trust that God loves you even when you don’t feel it?

Let’s Reflect

Write a prayer asking God to reveal more about His nature to you. Invite God into your situation and ask Him to give you the faith to change your beliefs and behavior. Be honest with Him and trust Him with your apprehensions.

Praise Report

Keep track of any positive changes in your life and/or marriage, no matter how small. Consider sharing them with the group next week.