Love & Respect in the Family (Audiobook)

Be quick to listen and understand and you have a much better chance of being understood.

Your wife feels you are open with her when you discuss financial concerns, possible job changes or ideas for your future.

At the very bottom of things, in every case and in every conversation, you can do your marriage a huge favor by assuming she is seeking to feel loved or he is seeking to feel respected and give your spouse some grace!

If a husband loves his wife as he should, she will feel honored and respected. If a wife respects her husband as she should, he will feel loved and appreciated. It’s a win-win.

You have to become proactive, rather than just trying to stop the reactive.

When a wife insists that her husband earn her respect, she puts him in a lose-lose situation.

Assume goodwill about the person you are in conflict with.

The Lord made women (Pink) and men (Blue) with differences, and He expects us to recognize and deal with those differences in a loving and respectful way.

If you want your wife to express appreciation for your attempts to be loving, you must use thankful words when she tries to speak or act respectfully.

In the ultimate sense you marriage has nothing to do with your spouse. It has everything to do with your relationship with Jesus Christ.

When a husband feels disrespected, it is especially hard to love his wife. When a wife feels unloved, it is especially hard to respect her husband.

[Husbands] as the church places her burdens on Christ, so a woman needs to place her burdens on her husband. When she shares with you, don’t assume she is asking you to solve the problem. Ask your wife, “Do you want a solution or a listening ear?”

We all need to wrestle with the spiritual truth that God is good. If you don’t believe God is good, you won’t trust His word. If you don’t trust His word, you will find excuses to ignore His commands.

A most significant point of this book is this: If what we think is true, kind, necessary, and clear, we need to have the courage to hit send. This isn’t about refraining from speaking; this is about speaking.

Love and Respect is a faith venture, not a formula.

Your husband knows you value his friendship when you tell him you like him and you show it (he knows you love him, but he often wonders if you really like him).

When you love or respect unconditionally regardless of the outcome, you are following God and His will for you.

[Husbands] the most powerful weapons you have are your ears. Just listen to your wife, and she is much more likely to feel understood.

Often both spouses have goodwill but are not deciphering each other’s code. She criticizes out of love, but he “hears” only disrespect. He distances himself to prevent feelings from escalating, which is the honorable thing to do, but she “sees” only his failure to be loving!

When you’re truly Christ-centered, instead of child-centered, you will be a more effective parent in the long run.

[Women], your self-love cannot be derived from your husband’s love. It can affect it, but it does not determine it.

Marital researchers agree that a huge percentage of communication problems between husband and wife are due not to what is said but to how it is said – the attitude and tone of voice.

Do you bow to the influence of Hollywood or God’s Holy Word?

Will we decide how we see God based on our circumstances, or will we see our circumstances in light of how we view God?

Mutual submission is the only way to live fairly together with mutual authority.

No one can really practice Love and Respect unless he or she does it as unto Jesus Christ.

When we feel crippling discouragement by the sinful choices and outcomes of our kids, we must not let this permanently deter us from parenting God’s way.

When others do not respond to our communication, we need to look first at our communication style. Is the other person incapable of hearing what we have to say? Or are we abrupt, brusque, and curt?

Feeling unloved, a wife gets defensive and acts offensively without respect. Feeling disrespected, a husband gets defensive and acts offensively without love.

Responding to offensive words or actions with your own offensive words and actions is damaging and unproductive.

When sorting out how to slow down the Crazy Cycle, it helps to remember that men are commanded to love because they don’t love naturally, and on the other side, women are commanded to respect because they don’t respect naturally.

The moment we cry to Him for help, He is already pleased. He gives us strength to love our children.

Self-interest should never come ahead of your spouse’s interests.

When one of you makes a mistake, control any anger you may feel and trust God completely, no matter what happens.

Husbands primarily want to hear ‘respect” talk during conflict. Wives primarily want to hear “love” talk during conflict.

Let the Lord change you, but don’t try to change each other.

We are either going to give in the darkness or we are going to give into the darkness.

Assuming goodwill can be revolutionary in relationships.

We blame people for the bad things we do, but take credit for the good things we do.

We might say that every negative action in the family has an equal and opposite negative reaction.

Be friendly. Be friendly. Be friendly. Watch what happens.

We are worth Jesus to the Father.

It is hard to be negative while being thankful.

How we react to a situation reveals more about us than about the other person.

As a husband, if you can grasp that you don’t always have to solve your wife’s problems, you will take a giant step toward showing her empathy and understanding.

Your spouse may meet many of your needs, but your deepest dependency should be on your Lord.

As strong and powerful as marriage bonds can become, our deepest dependency must be on the Lord, not another human being.

Unconditional respect means we confront their wrongdoings respectfully. We do not become uncivil because they are. Who they fail to be does not determine who we will be.

God is not pink. God is not blue. God is purple. When two become one, they have the potential of displaying God’s attributes and character.

Be a part of the solution, not part of the problem.

You both forgive for one simple but profound reason: because you know Christ has forgiven you!

A major step toward a happy marriage is accepting differences and working them out with love and respect.

Do not live by the standards of Hollywood; trust what God says in His Holy Word.

The mature one in the marriage seldom moves second.

The Crazy Cycle is, indeed, “the evil of folly and the foolishness of madness” (Ecclesiastes 7:25).

The difference between successful couples and unsuccessful couples is that successful ones keep getting up and dealing with the issues.

Always try to look at your spouse the way Jesus does.

Don’t conclude that your spouse is wrong when he/she is seeking to do the right and righteous thing.

One thing to remember in this culture is if we say something complimentary towards one gender, we aren’t saying something against the other.

Each of you must focus on what God is calling you to do toward your spouse. Do not focus on what you think God is calling your spouse to do toward you.

When we speak before we think, we widen the chances the other person(s) will be notably hurt, frustrated, confused, angry, fearful, or offended by something we’ve communicated.

The more we are upset at something, the wiser it is to let twenty-four hours pass before responding.

Men are solution oriented, they love to solve problems. They want to be helpful.

If a husband is commanded to agape- love his wife, then she truly needs love.

You must distinguish between “I can’t” and “I won’t.”

You can be right but wrong at the top of your voice.

The woman absolutely needs love, and the man absolutely needs respect. It’s as simple- and as difficult- as that.

When there is confusion, I try to refrain from attacking another for not listening carefully (which may not be the case). Instead, I take a run at communicating again, but more clearly.

As you pray together, you will truly learn to love and respect together.

Words of Love and Respect must include thankfulness spoken to or about your spouse; don’t fixate on weaknesses and faults.

Your spouse can have a need that you don’t have and that’s okay.

As a wife, if you can start to understand how important your husband’s work is to him, you will take a giant step toward communicating respect and honor, two things that he values even more than your love.

Can you begin to trust that God feels love for you even when you don’t feel that love?

A husband may deserve contempt, but that doesn’t win him any more than harshness and anger wins the heart of a woman.

Above all trust God when the “whys” of life threaten to overwhelm you.

You have two ears and one mouth; use them proportionately.

Your position in Christ is what counts, not your less-than-perfect performance.

Don’t pressure yourself with perfection. We are going to fail. A righteous man falls 7 times but gets back up.

If husbands and wives are to understand the Love and Respect Connection, they must realize that they communicate in code. And the problem is, they don’t know how to decipher the messages they send to one another.

To get offended is easy, but to forgive is within your power as you walk in His steps.

To stay the course in speaking words of Love and Respect, keep your heart in Scripture, trusting in and talking about His promises to help you.

The Crazy Cycle is, indeed “the evil of folly and the foolishness of madness” (Ecclesiastes 7:25)

Share what God is saying to your heart, not what you think He needs to say to your mate.

Thank the Lord for all the trouble-free moments in which you and your spouse enjoy Him, each other, your family, your ministry and life as a whole. Ask Him for the strength to accept your measure of trouble, and the wisdom to deal with the annoyances and irritations by loving and respecting each other with new commitment. (You may also want to pray about troubles at work, at church, with the children…) “But those who marry will have trouble in this life” (1 Corinthians 7:28)

Your wife will feel esteemed when you speak highly of her in front of others.

Recognize your different gifts--how each of you (Pink and Blue) functions according to God’s perfect design.

We send each other messages in “code” based on gender, even though we don’t intend to. What I say is not what you hear, and what you think you heard is not what I meant at all.

Stay the course regardless of the child’s respect and obedience. This is the Family Rewarded Cycle: a parents love unto Christ regardless of the child.

Unconditional respect, like unconditional love, is all about how one sounds (tone of voice and word choice) and appears (facial expressions and physical actions).

Respect for the husband is just as important as love for the wife.

Mutual understanding, not communication, is the key to a healthy marriage relationship.

Accentuate the positive and eliminate the negative with lots of love and respect in between.

Positive changes flood a relationship immediately when both husband and wife cancel the blame game!

Your spouse has a need that you don’t have. Are you going to say there is something seriously wrong with them or will you say “Viva la Difference”?

God is good and wants what is best for us.

We must bring our identity in Christ to our parenting—we must not derive our identity from our children.

Marriage is a tool and a test to allow God’s will to be revealed in our lives.

Suppressing negative feelings is not loving, respectful or very wise. Speak up tactfully.

We get on the Crazy Cycle because without love a wife reacts without respect, and without respect a husband reacts without love.

Your hunger for God can create an appetite in your children.