Love & Respect in the Family (Audiobook)

Be quick to listen and understand and you have a much better chance of being understood.

No matter how difficult your spouse may be at the moment, your spouse does not have control over your reaction; you do. You may be experiencing disappointment, frustration, or anger, but you always have a choice.

Unconditional respect, like unconditional love, is all about how one sounds (tone of voice and word choice) and appears (facial expressions and physical actions).

When sorting out how to slow down the Crazy Cycle, it helps to remember that men are commanded to love because they don’t love naturally, and on the other side, women are commanded to respect because they don’t respect naturally.

We all need to wrestle with the spiritual truth that God is good. If you don’t believe God is good, you won’t trust His word. If you don’t trust His word, you will find excuses to ignore His commands.

Truth will carry its own weight if delivered respectfully and lovingly.

Do you understand that God feels compassion for you, no matter what you have done or what your circumstances may be?

The Crazy Cycle is, indeed, “the evil of folly and the foolishness of madness” (Ecclesiastes 7:25).

In your marriage be the first to “seek peace and pursue it” (1 Peter 3:11)

If you want your wife to express appreciation for your attempts to be loving, you must use thankful words when she tries to speak or act respectfully.

Optimism or pessimism? It is always a choice, no matter what your natural temperament.

To not forgive is to shoot yourself in the foot and put extra gas in the Crazy Cycle.

Will we decide how we see God based on our circumstances, or will we see our circumstances in light of how we view God?

Your spouse has a need only you can fill.

A most significant point of this book is this: If what we think is true, kind, necessary, and clear, we need to have the courage to hit send. This isn’t about refraining from speaking; this is about speaking.

Before hitting send, ask yourself, "Have I listened carefully and understand the exact issue on the table?"

Both Judas and Peter denied Jesus Christ, but there is a huge difference between a Judas and a Peter.

Just because you’re offended doesn’t mean the other person is offensive.

When a wife insists that her husband earn her respect, she puts him in a lose-lose situation.

As mature men, we need to take leadership and put this out on the table. We must acknowledge our feelings- we need to feel respected. However, as we do this we must acknowledge our wife’s feelings- she needs to feel loved!

A woman needs love like she needs air to breathe. A man needs respect like he needs air to breathe.

A wife has one driving need--to feel loved. When that need is met she is happy. A husband has one driving need--to feel respected. When that need is met he is happy. When either of these needs isn’t met, things get crazy. Love and Respect reveals why spouses react negatively to each other, and how they can deal with such conflict quickly, easily and biblically.

When the wife flatly says her husband will have to earn her respect before she gives him any, she leaves the husband in a lose-lose situation. Now he is responsible for both love and respect in the relationship. He must unconditionally love his wife and earn her respect.

He will feel appreciated when you recognize his problem-solving approach as his male brand of empathy.

Refuse to let evil turn you into a contemptuous and hateful person.

Stay the course regardless of the child’s respect and obedience. This is the Family Rewarded Cycle: a parents love unto Christ regardless of the child.

Words of Love and Respect must include thankfulness spoken to or about your spouse; don’t fixate on weaknesses and faults.

Avoid like the plague trying to punish each other as a means of “motivation.” Christ-followers instinctively know that this destroys any opportunity to act out of reverence for Christ. In all marital issues, love and reverence for Christ must be our primary motivation.

His love motivates her respect. Her respect motivates his love.

Our research shows that couples who pray together are more apt to reap all kinds of benefits, including better and more frequent communication, going on “dates” more frequently and having sex more frequently.

One thing to remember in this culture is if we say something complimentary towards one gender, we aren’t saying something against the other.

Mutual understanding, not communication, is the key to a healthy marriage relationship.

You’re the only person in the world who can meet your spouse’s deepest need for love and respect. After all, you alone are married to your spouse.

Knowing my spouse will not be able to love or respect me perfectly, I commit to having a forgiving spirit so that I may never speak hatefully or contemptuously.

No matter how difficult your spouse may be at the moment, your spouse does not have control over your reaction; you do. You may be experiencing disappointment, frustration or anger, but you always have a choice. A wife can choose to be disrespectful or respectful. A husband can choose to be unloving or loving.

Positive changes flood a relationship immediately when both husband and wife cancel the blame game!

[Women], your self-love cannot be derived from your husband’s love. It can affect it, but it does not determine it.

Words of Love or Respect must uplift your spouse, edifying- never manipulating him or her.

If a husband chooses to be a peacemaker--taking the needs and concerns of his wife totally into account during any kind of argument or conflict--his wife will be motivated in turn to respond to his authority during stalemates.

Assume goodwill about the person you are in conflict with.

Assuming goodwill can be revolutionary in relationships.

To build a lasting legacy, use proven wisdom that you glean from the Lord.

We have to step back as Christ followers and ask, “Do I have false expectations that my relationship should be romantic 99% of the time?”

You can experience hurt, but it is your choice to hate.

When you possess a forgiving spirit, words of Love and Respect will flow authentically from your lips- and realize that the Lord Himself is listening to you at moments like these. He knows you are not powerless, but actually full of power that He has granted you.

You must distinguish between “I can’t” and “I won’t.”

It’s crucial to communicate with the right tone of voice and the right expression on your face.

It is so easy to draw wrong conclusions about a spouse’s character and motives due to an occasional flare-up or silly comment.

Husbands, to energize your wife give her face-to-face time, allowing her to talk and share her feelings.

When we speak before we think, we widen the chances the other person(s) will be notably hurt, frustrated, confused, angry, fearful, or offended by something we’ve communicated.

God is good and wants what is best for us.

Do you give yourself grace and your spouse judgment?

Mutual submission is the only way to live fairly together with mutual authority.

We might say that every negative action in the family has an equal and opposite negative reaction.

Every marriage includes trouble some of the time. Do not let the 20% leaven all the rest.

When your wife comes to talk to you, listen to her. Realize she is coming to you because you matter more to her than anyone else. She has certain emotional needs and only you can meet them. Sometimes she may say things that don’t make sense to you and she is apt to misspeak and exaggerate when she is upset, but don’t put her down. Instead, listen to her heart. Give her a chance to express her concerns and, as she does so, don’t try to fix her. Don’t give her your solutions unless she asks for them.

You must “ask God from the wealth of his glory to give you power through his Spirit to be strong in your inner selves.”

Unconditional respect means we confront their wrongdoings respectfully. We do not become uncivil because they are. Who they fail to be does not determine who we will be.

A parent needs to feel respected, especially during conflicts...A child need to feel loved, especially during disputes.

Marriage is a tool and a test to allow God’s will to be revealed in our lives.

Money squabbles don’t undermine love and respect; they simply reveal unloving and disrespectful attitudes, which are the real reason why a marriage can start to wobble on the Crazy Cycle.

I had often asked God to compensate for my mistakes, but in return had I thought He would give me perfect children?

You can be right in the argument, but wrong in your approach.

The Crazy Cycle is, indeed “the evil of folly and the foolishness of madness” (Ecclesiastes 7:25)

Your hunger for God can create an appetite in your children.

Do you seek to understand or only to be understood?

You cannot use unholy means to achieve a worthy end.

Here is the secret to marriage that every couple seeks and yet few find: Unconditional respect is as powerful for him as unconditional love is for her. It’s the secret that will help you achieve a brand new level of intimacy.

When a wife feels unloved, it can be such a shock to her heart that she is oblivious to her disrespectful reactions toward her husband, though any man watching could see it plainly.

You have two ears and one mouth; use them proportionately.

When a husband chooses to do or say something loving, and that includes saying, ‘I’m sorry for coming across in an unloving way,’ he energizes his wife. When a wife decides to express herself respectfully, and that includes apologizing for her disrespectful attitude, she energizes her husband.

Your wife will feel esteemed when you speak highly of her in front of others.

Parenting is a faith venture. As we parent “unto Christ” we reap God’s reward, “knowing that whatever good anyone does, he will receive the same from the Lord” (Eph. 6:8 NKJV)

It’s true that women have intuition and that men should listen to them. It’s also true that women have blind spots and need the insight of their husbands.

To get offended is easy, but to forgive is within your power as you walk in His steps.

Unconditional respect is as powerful to him as unconditional love is to her.

Do you bow to the influence of Hollywood or God’s Holy Word?

Your spouse may meet many of your needs, but your deepest dependency should be on your Lord.

You may believe that the careless, unloving or disrespectful words you speak are because your spouse is causing you to speak this way, but Jesus says that it is coming out of your heart.

The Lord made women (Pink) and men (Blue) with differences, and He expects us to recognize and deal with those differences in a loving and respectful way.

Ladies, be careful. “A nagging wife goes on and on like the drip, drip, drip of the rain” (Proverbs 19:13).

Your words reveal your heart.

Be a part of the solution, not part of the problem.

[Husbands] do you realize the power of just holding your wife’s hand?

Thank the Lord for all the trouble-free moments in which you and your spouse enjoy Him, each other, your family, your ministry and life as a whole. Ask Him for the strength to accept your measure of trouble, and the wisdom to deal with the annoyances and irritations by loving and respecting each other with new commitment. (You may also want to pray about troubles at work, at church, with the children…) “But those who marry will have trouble in this life” (1 Corinthians 7:28)

When you come home after you have been apart, the first few moments of reconnecting will set the tone for the rest of the evening.

Marriage is a test of how you unconditionally love and respect your spouse as you obey, honor, and please the Lord.

When evil comes at you, you’re the one who makes the choice of whether or not it is going to go into you.

If we subscribe to the belief that because we are equal we are the same, then we’re going to expect our spouse to respond the way we do.

Do not live by the standards of Hollywood; trust what God says in His Holy Word.

If husbands and wives are to understand the Love and Respect Connection, they must realize that they communicate in code. And the problem is, they don’t know how to decipher the messages they send to one another.

God’s commands are not burdensome, but are given to us to spare us from more pain. Why would God command you to do something that doesn’t work?

Share what God is saying to your heart, not what you think He needs to say to your mate.

Your wife feels you are open with her when you discuss financial concerns, possible job changes or ideas for your future.

She’s not wrong for not being male. He is not wrong for not being female. When you put pink and blue together, you get purple, the color of royalty; the color of God. Together, a husband and wife reflect God’s image.

The key to motivating another person is meeting their deepest need, especially during conflict.

Accentuate the positive and eliminate the negative with lots of love and respect in between.

When a husband feels disrespected, it is especially hard to love his wife. When a wife feels unloved, it is especially hard to respect her husband.

Let the Lord change you, but don’t try to change each other.

Words of love from a husband are like good medicine that brings life to the marriage.