Love & Respect in the Family (Audiobook)

When there is confusion, I try to refrain from attacking another for not listening carefully (which may not be the case). Instead, I take a run at communicating again, but more clearly.

How we react to a situation reveals more about us than about the other person.

[Women], your self-love cannot be derived from your husband’s love. It can affect it, but it does not determine it.

We all need to wrestle with the spiritual truth that God is good. If you don’t believe God is good, you won’t trust His word. If you don’t trust His word, you will find excuses to ignore His commands.

You have two ears and one mouth; use them proportionately.

Your hunger for God can create an appetite in your children.

Often both spouses have goodwill but are not deciphering each other’s code. She criticizes out of love, but he “hears” only disrespect. He distances himself to prevent feelings from escalating, which is the honorable thing to do, but she “sees” only his failure to be loving!

Being friendly to her man is one of the most effective things a woman can do to strengthen her marriage.

When you relinquish an offense, you need to send that offense somewhere. So follow Jesus’ example and release it to your heavenly Father.

Do you give yourself grace and your spouse judgment?

Men are solution oriented, they love to solve problems. They want to be helpful.

God is not trying to trick you or mess with you. Trust that He wants to reveal Himself to you just as much as He wants to reveal Himself to the world.

Husbands, to energize your wife give her face-to-face time, allowing her to talk and share her feelings.

At the very bottom of things, in every case and in every conversation, you can do your marriage a huge favor by assuming she is seeking to feel loved or he is seeking to feel respected and give your spouse some grace!

When a husband feels disrespected, he has a natural tendency to react in ways that feel unloving to his wife. (Perhaps the command to love was given to him precisely for this reason!) When a wife feels unloved, she has a natural tendency to react in ways that feel disrespectful to her husband. (Perhaps the command to respect was given to her precisely for this reason!)

We have different vulnerabilities. We can pass judgment on one another all day long or we can say God made us different and that’s ok.

Wives, you never know: The way you handle this [conflict] might bring your husband not only back to you, but to God. Husbands, you never know: The way you handle this [conflict] might bring your wife not only back to you, but to God. (1 Corinthians 7:16)

Trusting and obeying God’s Word because we love and reverence God never, ever makes us a hypocrite! When the alarm goes off in the morning, we get up, even when we don’t feel like it getting up. Because we do what we don’t feel like doing, does that make us hypocrites? No, it’s a sign we are responsible people. Showing respectful behavior when we don’t “feel respectful” is evidence of maturity.

You can experience hurt, but it is your choice to hate.

“With eyes of faith, envision Jesus standing just beyond the shoulder of your spouse and listening to every word you speak in every conversation, pleasant or tense. When you speak lovingly or respectfully to your spouse, you are speaking to Christ. Your spouse just happens to be there too.” This truth has sanctified the lips of many. Instead of giving their spouse a verbal whipping or choking on the idea of saying anything positive, now some spouses are motivated to speak words of unconditional love or respect.

Each of you must focus on what God is calling you to do toward your spouse. Do not focus on what you think God is calling your spouse to do toward you.

When a husband chooses to do or say something loving, and that includes saying, ‘I’m sorry for coming across in an unloving way,’ he energizes his wife. When a wife decides to express herself respectfully, and that includes apologizing for her disrespectful attitude, she energizes her husband.

Both Judas and Peter denied Jesus Christ, but there is a huge difference between a Judas and a Peter.

Do you believe that there is a God who really loves you and wants to help you?

When sorting out how to slow down the Crazy Cycle, it helps to remember that men are commanded to love because they don’t love naturally, and on the other side, women are commanded to respect because they don’t respect naturally.

To get offended is easy, but to forgive is within your power as you walk in His steps.

Women give a report to build rapport. Men bond through shoulder-to-shoulder activities without talking.

Avoid like the plague trying to punish each other as a means of “motivation.” Christ-followers instinctively know that this destroys any opportunity to act out of reverence for Christ. In all marital issues, love and reverence for Christ must be our primary motivation.

Be a part of the solution, not part of the problem.

You can be right but wrong at the top of your voice.

Unconditional respect is as powerful to him as unconditional love is to her.

The Love and Respect message is not about a husband earning his wife’s respect by being more loving any more than it is about a wife earning her husband’s love by being more respectful. Always love or respect is given unconditionally according to God’s commands.

Ladies, be careful. “A nagging wife goes on and on like the drip, drip, drip of the rain” (Proverbs 19:13).

Your words reveal your heart.

When others do not respond to our communication, we need to look first at our communication style. Is the other person incapable of hearing what we have to say? Or are we abrupt, brusque, and curt?

Whose voice are you listening to: Hollywood or God’s Holy Word?

Respect for the husband is just as important as love for the wife.

Money squabbles don’t undermine love and respect; they simply reveal unloving and disrespectful attitudes, which are the real reason why a marriage can start to wobble on the Crazy Cycle.

Feeling unloved, a wife gets defensive and acts offensively without respect. Feeling disrespected, a husband gets defensive and acts offensively without love.

When a husband chooses to come across lovingly even though he feels disrespected, he can prevent the Crazy Cycle from spinning and possibly getting out of control.

Do you understand that God feels compassion for you, no matter what you have done or what your circumstances may be?

Recognize your different gifts--how each of you (Pink and Blue) functions according to God’s perfect design.

Could you be facing a crisis in faith more than a crisis in your marriage?

Your husband knows you value his friendship when you tell him you like him and you show it (he knows you love him, but he often wonders if you really like him).

Your marriage is a test of your devotion to Christ.

Assuming goodwill can be revolutionary in relationships.

The parent-child relationship is as easy, and as difficult, as love and respect.

When you’re truly Christ-centered, instead of child-centered, you will be a more effective parent in the long run.

Your spouse may meet many of your needs, but your deepest dependency should be on your Lord.

Refuse to let evil turn you into a contemptuous and hateful person.

Before hitting send, ask yourself, "Have I listened carefully and understand the exact issue on the table?"

To stay the course in speaking words of Love and Respect, keep your heart in Scripture, trusting in and talking about His promises to help you.

If husbands and wives are to understand the Love and Respect Connection, they must realize that they communicate in code. And the problem is, they don’t know how to decipher the messages they send to one another.

“Living happily ever after” means knowing how to deal with the imperfect parts of life.

Trust God when the “why’s” of life threaten to overwhelm you.

When Jesus said “turn the other cheek,” He wasn’t saying to be passive wimps. He was teaching that physically people can control you but if you turn and give the other cheek, suddenly you’re in control and you’re making the choices.

A wife has one driving need: to feel loved. When that need is met, she is happy. A husband has one driving need: to feel respected. When that need is met, he is happy. When either of these needs isn’t met, things get crazy with conflict.

Be quick to listen and understand and you have a much better chance of being understood.

Do not live by the standards of Hollywood; trust what God says in His Holy Word.

Always remember that Pink and Blue have different wiring, different preferences. Assume your spouse has goodwill toward you, no matter what. Both of you can be right, while being different.

Don’t pressure yourself with perfection. We are going to fail. A righteous man falls 7 times but gets back up.

When your wife comes to talk to you, listen to her. Realize she is coming to you because you matter more to her than anyone else. She has certain emotional needs and only you can meet them. Sometimes she may say things that don’t make sense to you and she is apt to misspeak and exaggerate when she is upset, but don’t put her down. Instead, listen to her heart. Give her a chance to express her concerns and, as she does so, don’t try to fix her. Don’t give her your solutions unless she asks for them.

Just because you’re offended doesn’t mean the other person is offensive.

Don’t conclude that your spouse is wrong when he/she is seeking to do the right and righteous thing.

If a husband loves his wife as he should, she will feel honored and respected. If a wife respects her husband as she should, he will feel loved and appreciated. It’s a win-win.

Being a person who communicates what is true frequently demands tact, and at times it can feel like sidestepping land mines. It takes work to be both truthful and tactful.

If a husband chooses to be a peacemaker--taking the needs and concerns of his wife totally into account during any kind of argument or conflict--his wife will be motivated in turn to respond to his authority during stalemates.

Your wife will feel esteemed when you speak highly of her in front of others.

Optimism or pessimism? It is always a choice, no matter what your natural temperament.

The Crazy Cycle is, indeed “the evil of folly and the foolishness of madness” (Ecclesiastes 7:25)

We might say that every negative action in the family has an equal and opposite negative reaction.

It’s so easy to dismiss our spouse as childish because we don’t have the same vulnerabilities they do.

Your marriage is really a tool and a test to deepen and demonstrate your love and reverence for your Lord.

“You can be right, but wrong at the top of your voice.”

[Women], as you enter quiet dignity, not preaching at your husband or scolding him as though you were his mother, something happens in his soul as a male.

There is power and freedom that comes in understanding that no one can cause you to react in a certain way. It is your choice.

Wives, to energize your husband do an activity with him, shoulder-to-shoulder, without talking.

Assume goodwill about the person you are in conflict with.

Our research shows that couples who pray together are more apt to reap all kinds of benefits, including better and more frequent communication, going on “dates” more frequently and having sex more frequently.

A most significant point of this book is this: If what we think is true, kind, necessary, and clear, we need to have the courage to hit send. This isn’t about refraining from speaking; this is about speaking.

When confronting your spouse, attack the behavior, not the person.

Just because you may feel unloved or disrespected does not mean your spouse is sending that message.

Responding to offensive words or actions with your own offensive words and actions is damaging and unproductive.

You can be right in the argument, but wrong in your approach.

We blame people for the bad things we do, but take credit for the good things we do.

With a better understanding of God’s promises, you will be on your way to a renewed mind and a changed life.

Your marriage is a tool and a test to deepen and demonstrate your love and reverence for Jesus Christ. God is using your spouse to bring you an eternal reward.

As a husband, if you can grasp that you don’t always have to solve your wife’s problems, you will take a giant step toward showing her empathy and understanding.

It is so easy to draw wrong conclusions about a spouse’s character and motives due to an occasional flare-up or silly comment.

As mature men, we need to take leadership and put this out on the table. We must acknowledge our feelings- we need to feel respected. However, as we do this we must acknowledge our wife’s feelings- she needs to feel loved!

Love and Respect is a faith venture, not a formula.

She’s not wrong for not being male. He is not wrong for not being female. When you put pink and blue together, you get purple, the color of royalty; the color of God. Together, a husband and wife reflect God’s image.

A parent needs to feel respected, especially during conflicts...A child need to feel loved, especially during disputes.

The moment we cry to Him for help, He is already pleased. He gives us strength to love our children.

Good intentions do not always produce good words or outcomes.

Your spouse can affect you, but your spouse does not control you.

The key to motivating another person is meeting their deepest need, especially during conflict.

Unconditional respect, like unconditional love, is all about how one sounds (tone of voice and word choice) and appears (facial expressions and physical actions).

Troubles over sex and money do not cause a marriage to go under. The lack of love and respect during conflict cause the marriage to go under.

You must distinguish between “I can’t” and “I won’t.”