Love & Respect in the Family (Audiobook)

If a husband chooses to be a peacemaker--taking the needs and concerns of his wife totally into account during any kind of argument or conflict--his wife will be motivated in turn to respond to his authority during stalemates.

When one of you makes a mistake, control any anger you may feel and trust God completely, no matter what happens.

Feeling unloved, a wife gets defensive and acts offensively without respect. Feeling disrespected, a husband gets defensive and acts offensively without love.

When sorting out how to slow down the Crazy Cycle, it helps to remember that men are commanded to love because they don’t love naturally, and on the other side, women are commanded to respect because they don’t respect naturally.

Do you understand that God feels compassion for you, no matter what you have done or what your circumstances may be?

A husband may deserve contempt, but that doesn’t win him any more than harshness and anger wins the heart of a woman.

Unconditional respect, like unconditional love, is all about how one sounds (tone of voice and word choice) and appears (facial expressions and physical actions).

It is so easy to draw wrong conclusions about a spouse’s character and motives due to an occasional flare-up or silly comment.

A wife has one driving need: to feel loved. When that need is met, she is happy. A husband has one driving need: to feel respected. When that need is met, he is happy. When either of these needs isn’t met, things get crazy with conflict.

He will feel appreciated when you disagree with him only in private and honor his authority in front of the kids.

There is a discrepancy between who we want to be and see ourselves to be and how we actually sound in voice and writing. But with self-reflection and honesty, we can turn the corner and improve our communication. We need only evaluate what we are about to communicate.

The moment we cry to Him for help, He is already pleased. He gives us strength to love our children.

We can all have moments of anger, but this does not mean we have to lose control and sin.

If you want your wife to express appreciation for your attempts to be loving, you must use thankful words when she tries to speak or act respectfully.

A man has a natural, inborn desire to go out and “conquer” the challenges of his world – to work and achieve.

When confronting your spouse, attack the behavior, not the person.

God designed the woman to love. He’s not going to command her to agape her husband when He created her to do that in the first place. God is not into redundancy.

We must bring our identity in Christ to our parenting—we must not derive our identity from our children.

If a husband is commanded to agape- love his wife, then she truly needs love.

Thank the Lord that in the very beginning He created them male and female – Blue and Pink. Ask Him for patience and ever-growing understanding of how men and women see and hear differently. “He created them male and female, and He blessed them.” (Genesis 5:2)

Holding back your love or respect will just keep the Crazy Cycle spinning away, but being mature and making the first move could slow it down.

Often the apparent issue isn’t the real issue; the real issue is always a matter of love or respect.

Marriage is a tool and a test to deepen and demonstrate your love and your reverence for Jesus Christ.

When a husband chooses to do or say something loving, and that includes saying, ‘I’m sorry for coming across in an unloving way,’ he energizes his wife. When a wife decides to express herself respectfully, and that includes apologizing for her disrespectful attitude, she energizes her husband.

To not forgive is to shoot yourself in the foot and put extra gas in the Crazy Cycle.

When you play the blame game your marriage never wins.

Can you begin to trust that God feels love for you even when you don’t feel that love?

You speak lovingly or respectfully no matter how your spouse may speak to you in return. Your spouse is not the reason--good or bad--why you speak unconditional words of love or respect. God is the reason, and as you depend on Him, you will become increasingly able to speak lovingly and respectfully to your spouse.

Responding to offensive words or actions with your own offensive words and actions is damaging and unproductive.

We fool ourselves into thinking the other person causes us to be the way we are. They really don’t! But if we lock into that idea, we become helpless, hopeless victims.

Never give up. If you want to have a strong marriage, you need to accept temporary setbacks as part of the game.

Being friendly to her man is one of the most effective things a woman can do to strengthen her marriage.

When you come home after you have been apart, the first few moments of reconnecting will set the tone for the rest of the evening.

Stay the course regardless of the child’s respect and obedience. This is the Family Rewarded Cycle: a parents love unto Christ regardless of the child.

Wives, you never know: The way you handle this [conflict] might bring your husband not only back to you, but to God. Husbands, you never know: The way you handle this [conflict] might bring your wife not only back to you, but to God. (1 Corinthians 7:16)

“Living happily ever after” means knowing how to deal with the imperfect parts of life.

Assuming goodwill can be revolutionary in relationships.

It’s hard to realize that we would never act around our business associates the way we act around our spouse.

Be friendly. Be friendly. Be friendly. Watch what happens.

Husbands, even Jesus Himself was asked by a woman, “Do you not care?” (Luke 10:40) When your wife accuses you of not caring, decode her deeper meaning.

Your marriage is a tool and a test to deepen and demonstrate your love and reverence for Jesus Christ. God is using your spouse to bring you an eternal reward.

The Lord made women (Pink) and men (Blue) with differences, and He expects us to recognize and deal with those differences in a loving and respectful way.

We get on the Crazy Cycle because without love a wife reacts without respect, and without respect a husband reacts without love.

Always remember that Pink and Blue have different wiring, different preferences. Assume your spouse has goodwill toward you, no matter what. Both of you can be right, while being different.

Our research shows that couples who pray together are more apt to reap all kinds of benefits, including better and more frequent communication, going on “dates” more frequently and having sex more frequently.

The Crazy Cycle is, indeed, “the evil of folly and the foolishness of madness” (Ecclesiastes 7:25).

You can be right in the argument, but wrong in your approach.

Will we decide how we see God based on our circumstances, or will we see our circumstances in light of how we view God?

Here is the secret to marriage that every couple seeks and yet few find: Unconditional respect is as powerful for him as unconditional love is for her. It’s the secret that will help you achieve a brand new level of intimacy.

If you want your husband to express appreciation for your attempts to be respectful, you must speak thankfully when he tries to be loving.

Suppressing negative feelings is not loving, respectful or very wise. Speak up tactfully.

Thank the Lord for all the trouble-free moments in which you and your spouse enjoy Him, each other, your family, your ministry and life as a whole. Ask Him for the strength to accept your measure of trouble, and the wisdom to deal with the annoyances and irritations by loving and respecting each other with new commitment. (You may also want to pray about troubles at work, at church, with the children…) “But those who marry will have trouble in this life” (1 Corinthians 7:28)

Truth will carry its own weight if delivered respectfully and lovingly.

[Husbands] as the church places her burdens on Christ, so a woman needs to place her burdens on her husband. When she shares with you, don’t assume she is asking you to solve the problem. Ask your wife, “Do you want a solution or a listening ear?”

We have discovered that as women motivate their man God’s way, men are energized to love them better. It doesn’t matter if your marriage is good or seems like there is no hope. We have seen God move in powerful ways even when things looked hopeless.

When you look to God and His Word as your ultimate source of significance and security, you don’t demand that your spouse take that role in your life. And as you draw strength from the Lord individually, He draws you closer together as a couple.

You’re the only person in the world who can meet your spouse’s deepest need for love and respect. After all, you alone are married to your spouse.

Before hitting send, ask yourself, "Have I listened carefully and understand the exact issue on the table?"

Words of Love and Respect must include thankfulness spoken to or about your spouse; don’t fixate on weaknesses and faults.

When a wife asks, “Do you love me?” She is not trying to put her husband on the spot. She is simply looking for reassurance.

Your spouse has a need that you don’t have. Are you going to say there is something seriously wrong with them or will you say “Viva la Difference”?

A major step toward a happy marriage is accepting differences and working them out with love and respect.

Husbands primarily want to hear ‘respect” talk during conflict. Wives primarily want to hear “love” talk during conflict.

Marriage is a tool and a test to allow God’s will to be revealed in our lives.

When you relinquish an offense, you need to send that offense somewhere. So follow Jesus’ example and release it to your heavenly Father.

Unconditional respect means we confront their wrongdoings respectfully. We do not become uncivil because they are. Who they fail to be does not determine who we will be.

Mutual understanding, not communication, is the key to a healthy marriage relationship.

A woman needs love like she needs air to breathe. A man needs respect like he needs air to breathe.

How we react to a situation reveals more about us than about the other person.

If you are seeking positive change in your marriage, you will need to make a positive change in your attitude and actions.

Wives, to energize your husband do an activity with him, shoulder-to-shoulder, without talking.

Most marriages will succeed when obeying the command to Love and Respect.

Your marriage is a test of your devotion to Christ.

Do you believe that there is a God who really loves you and wants to help you?

Whether visiting a prison, feeding the hungry, giving the thirsty a drink or speaking a word of love or respect, everything is to be done to and for Christ.

Refuse to let evil turn you into a contemptuous and hateful person.

When evil comes at you, you’re the one who makes the choice of whether or not it is going to go into you.

You must “ask God from the wealth of his glory to give you power through his Spirit to be strong in your inner selves.”

I often stress that one of the greatest rewards any persevering spouse can have is being a good example and influence on the children in the family.

We are either going to give in the darkness or we are going to give into the darkness.

Each of you must focus on what God is calling you to do toward your spouse. Do not focus on what you think God is calling your spouse to do toward you.

A marriage relationship will be energized when couples learn how to motivate each other God’s way.

Be a part of the solution, not part of the problem.

Love and Respect is a faith venture, not a formula.

Assume goodwill about the person you are in conflict with.

She’ll feel at peace with you when you let her vent your frustrations and hurts and don’t get angry and close her off.

Your wife will feel esteemed when you speak highly of her in front of others.

You may believe that the careless, unloving or disrespectful words you speak are because your spouse is causing you to speak this way, but Jesus says that it is coming out of your heart.

Marital researchers agree that a huge percentage of communication problems between husband and wife are due not to what is said but to how it is said – the attitude and tone of voice.

Life is too short to fuss and fret over trivial irritations.

Positive changes flood a relationship immediately when both husband and wife cancel the blame game!

Getting married reveals, usually sooner than later, an incontestable fact: your spouse cannot possibly meet all your needs and desires

Optimism or pessimism? It is always a choice, no matter what your natural temperament.

Fight like a loving man and a respectful woman. Fight fair.

We have to step back as Christ followers and ask, “Do I have false expectations that my relationship should be romantic 99% of the time?”

Always see your mate as an ally. Feedback is of little use if you see your spouse as an enemy. Giving and receiving constructive feedback is based on feelings of goodwill in both partners. Both of you need to remember that, even if you don’t always agree and even if you become irritated or angry, you are friends, and neither of you means to hurt the other.

When we feel crippling discouragement by the sinful choices and outcomes of our kids, we must not let this permanently deter us from parenting God’s way.

If we subscribe to the belief that because we are equal we are the same, then we’re going to expect our spouse to respond the way we do.

Recognize your different gifts--how each of you (Pink and Blue) functions according to God’s perfect design.

Thank the Lord for the goodwill each of you has toward the other. Ask Him for strength to give each other the benefit of the doubt during moments when someone’s goodwill seems to be lacking. “He who seeks good finds goodwill, but evil comes to him who searches for it.” (Proverbs 11:27)