I believe a husband is to act lovingly whether or not he feels it. God’s command in Ephesians 5:33 for a husband to love his wife is to be followed as an act of obedience, not as a conditional response toward her respect for him.Read More
In my book Love & Respect, I conclude that wives are made to love, want to love, and expect love. Alternatively, their husbands are made to be respected, want respect, and expect respect. However, I am always quick to point out that, though these conclusions have been based on years of research, studies, and polls with thousands of subjects, we must still view them as on a bell curve—there is certainly room for women to lean less on love and more on respect than other women do, and for men to place more importance on love than they do on respect.Read More
Years ago, the topic of Love and Respect and all it has led to stemmed from this one question to 7,000 people: When you are in a conflict with your spouse or significant other, do you feel unloved at that moment or disrespected? In response, 83 percent of the men said they feel disrespected and 72 percent of the women said they feel unloved. However, I am always quick to point out two caveats regarding these statistics. One, we are always talking about a bell curve here. Certainly, every man and woman is different and do not necessarily respond to conflict in the exact same ways. Two, both men and women need love and respect equally.Read More
As for Aretha Franklin's song R.E.S.P.E.C.T., the truth is Otis Redding wrote that song and he released it in 1965, two years before Aretha adapted it to her female perspective of a confident feminist. Otis's version is of a desperate husband pleading with his wife for respect. He will give her anything she wants and doesn't care if she treats him wrong.
Aretha changed it to "I ain't gonna do you wrong." Otis playfully said it is a song "that little girl done stole from me.”
Why do I surface this?Read More
Is unconditional respect a Biblical idea? Yes. 1 Peter 3:12 states, “In the same way, you wives, be submissive to your own husbands so that even if any of them are disobedient to the word, they may be won without a word by the behavior of their wives, as they observe your chaste and respectful behavior.” The husband is disobedient to the Word. He is either an unbeliever or a carnal believer living contrary to Christ and God’s Word.Read More
Did you know a wife is to show unconditional respect to her husband? This concept of unconditional respect is laughable, initially.
The number one question I get asked by wives is, “So am I to give my husband license to do whatever he wants? Am I to say, ‘I respect the way you never talk to me?”Read More
In this week’s episode, Emerson and Jonathan read and discuss a series of recent emails from a wife who is a dynamic leader outside the home. She feels she and her husband may be mismatched and asks if, and how, they should remain together.Read More
Q: You talk a lot about how a wife needs love and a husband needs respect. But what if we are an exception? My husband wants love & I desire respect. Emerson says: First of all, both spouses need love and respect equally. This is not up for debate. However, research reveals that during conflict, the felt need of the majority of women is love while the felt need of the majority of men is respect.
But cultural and personal applications can vary.Read More
As sure as the sun rises tomorrow, when I say “Husbands need respect” a woman will exclaim, “Wives need respect too!” I agree with them. In fact, I teach this over and over. Yet some women seem to miss it. So please allow me to clarify for those who do.
In my book Love & Respect I address this in chapter 14: "Esteem—She Wants You to Honor and Cherish Her.” This is the chapter I require every husband to read...but if you are a woman and have missed this chapter, please check it out!Read More
“Emerson, why do you teach that a husband must love his wife and a wife must respect her husband? Don’t we all need love and respect equally? After all, women need respect and men need love.” I agree that we all need love and respect equally.
But our research reveals that during conflict 83% of the husbands feel disrespected during marital squabbles and 72% of the wives feel unloved. For any number of reasons, men and women are different, and the beautiful thing is that God recognized that in Ephesians 5:33 where he commands husbands to love and wives to respect.Read More
We all need love and respect. I preach this and I teach this. I am not dogmatic in suggesting that a husband does not need love. I am not dogmatic in suggesting that a wife does not need respect. However, because Ephesians 5:33 reveals that a husband must love his wife and a wife must respect her husband, we see a distinction that is full of significance. Maybe we can answer this way: though we all need love and respect equally, like we all need water and food equally, a wife has a felt need for love and a husband has a felt need for respect. Said another way, she feels hunger pains for her husband's love more often in the marriage and a husband feels more thirsty for his wife's respect.
Why does this felt need surface?Read More
It's communication, right? As we study letters and emails from thousands of spouses, the common thread that runs through almost all of them is that, in one way or another, the number one problem in marriage is communication …or the lack thereof. I disagree.Read More
One wife, a strong-minded career woman, wrote to tell us how she and her husband were using the Love and Respect concepts and that, as a result, their Crazy Cycle had drastically slowed down. A Wife Wrote…Read More
Because I say that during conflict a woman’s deepest need is to feel loved whereas a man’s deepest need is to feel respected, people often think I’m saying a woman doesn’t need respect and a man doesn’t need love. That’s NOT what I’m saying.Read More
…a message from Sarah Eggerichs. My favorite part of the Love & Respect Marriage Conference is the opportunity to meet the amazing men and women who attend. I am especially moved by the men who come. Why? Because I see men respond in powerful ways to this message and it always touches my heart. In fact, I want to subtitle it “The marriage conference men want to attend!”Read More
One of the questions I hear the most is some variation of, “Are you telling me I have to unconditionally respect my husband’s bad behavior and become a door mat? Everyone knows respect must be earned!”Read More
At times I receive mail or personal inquiries at our conferences to the effect: "We don't fit your description of husband and wife.Read More
A critic states, "Love and respect is too simplistic for couples who have more serious problems." Yes, many couples have serious problems beyond love and respect.Read More