Posts tagged Withdrawing
Depriving Her of C.O.U.P.L.E.—Six Ways to Disconnect with Your Wife

In Love and Respect, Emerson Eggerichs highlights how to spell love to a wife, using the acronym C.O.U.P.L.E. When a goodwilled wife appears negative and offensive toward her husband, she is simply crying out for: Closeness, Openness, Understanding, Peacemaking, Loyalty, and Esteem. When her husband responds toward her with C.O.U.P.L.E., instead of withdrawing and stonewalling during conflict as is his male nature, it will energize his wife and she will respond with respect.

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What Came First—the Chicken or the Egg?

In marriage one spouse tends to assign blame to the other for starting the marital troubles.  For example, in courtship the husband was very talkative but after marriage he talked less, even withdrawing and stonewalling during conflict. 

From the wife’s perspective, this was a bait-and-switch trick. He tricked her into thinking he was a communicative person but after marriage refused to meet her emotional need to connect  via sharing hearts and feelings.

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Your Marriage Isn’t Complex to Figure Out. Let Me Tell You Why

Sarah and I have done Love and Respect Marriage Conferences since 1999. At these conferences we teach that love and respect are the two basic ingredients for a successful marriage. I wrote the book Love and Respect to explain the power and simplicity of this truth.

However, we teach that wives lean toward the love side of the equation and husbands lean toward the respect side. This is based on Ephesians 5:33, which says, “Nevertheless, each individual among you also is to love his own wife even as himself, and the wife must see to it that she respects her husband.”

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Why Won’t My Husband Change?

A wife writes on Facebook about her husband, who is a minister, "You pray and God doesn't change him. You take him to counseling and you change, but he doesn't. You show respect and he doesn't. You accept and live with the promise you made." As I read her words, I empathized with her hurt and frustration. Many women find themselves bewildered about how to help and heal their marriages. They give, give, and give some more. They yearn to connect with their husbands and enjoy the relationship.

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My Husband Wants Love and I Want Respect – Now What?

Q: You talk a lot about how a wife needs love and a husband needs respect. But what if we are an exception? My husband wants love & I desire respect. Emerson says: First of all, both spouses need love and respect equally. This is not up for debate. However, research reveals that during conflict, the felt need of the majority of women is love while the felt need of the majority of men is respect.

But cultural and personal applications can vary.

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I Prayed for My Marriage to Heal [Video]

Meet Tony and Ginger. Be encouraged as they share how their broken marriage was restored. As Tony states, “Love and Respect is good, practical, down-to-earth advice.” Listen as they share how these principles helped them see each other in a new way and how they made a conscious choice to do things differently.

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Why Does a Husband Withdraw From His Wife? [Video]

“Emerson, in a conflict with my husband he inevitably withdraws from me. He puts up a barrier to prevent me from emotionally connecting. He stops talking. What should I do?” I hear you. When married to someone who stonewalls, “withdrawals” are not worth it!

Research reveals in intimate, committed relationships 85% of those who emotionally retreat and refuse to answer are men.

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Why Does a Wife Withdraw From Her Husband? [Video]

“Emerson, you say most men don’t want to talk but my wife and I are the opposite when an argument starts. She goes quiet. She won’t engage me in any type of dialogue. She withdraws from the conversation and puts up a barrier to any further discussion. What should I do?” I hear you. When married to someone who stonewalls, “withdrawals” are not worth it!

Research reveals in intimate, committed relationships 85% of those who emotionally retreat and refuse to answer are men. That means 15% of the women also withdraw and stonewall.

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My Husband Is a Mysterious Island Around Which I Paddle

“Talk to me!” commands the wife. She and her husband are having a conflict. The husband retorts, “I don’t want to talk about it.” He exits the room. She follows him to talk. He does not give her access to his heart. He closes her off.  It is as though he is an island around which she paddles but he does not permit her to land. She is in disbelief.  She is seeking to do the loving thing by communicating but he lacks interest in responding.  She thinks, “How can he be so unloving?”  She is hurt, confused, angry and frightened.

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Stepping On Air Hoses

A wife fixes her husband's favorite meal but he comes home 40 minutes late. The food is cold. Hurt, she makes a remark, as he walks through the door, "You are always late and never call me. You are so uncaring! If you loved me, you'd call!" That comment sets him off. With a look of disgust, he exits the kitchen. Putting on his running gear, he leaves the house for an hour run. Obvious to every woman watching this, he misses her heart.

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Darkest Before the Dawn

In my last blog I challenged the wives to be the mature one in the relationship and consider changing the tone at home. I promised to challenge the husbands equally, so guys…now it’s your turn. Here’s a testimony from a husband who realized he could no longer assume his marriage was ok…he needed to step up and save it. He figured out what it truly means to unconditionally love, even when not receiving anything in return. I salute him as an honorable man!

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Two Simple Things That Speak Romance to Her

Men, you may not be as romantic as your wife (you sleep during the movie Sleepless in Seattle), but you are a man of honor, and a man of honor discerns the desires in the heart of his wife. Let me recommend two things that feed the romance for her: she needs predictable face to face time with you and she wants periodic surprises.

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