During the two decades I’ve spent teaching the Love and Respect message, based on Ephesians 5:33, the feedback and responses I’ve received from readers, conference attendees, and small group participants has ranged from eye-popping, marriage-saving revelations to “I agree for the most part, but you don’t know my situation” to downright rejection of God’s instructions to the married couple. Though the responses vary, the one constant remains: God’s Word commands the husband to love his wife unconditionally and the wife to respect her husband.Read More
In parts 1 and 2, we discussed a key difference in men and women’s approaches toward sex. Though both desire and need sex, we need to understand a wife’s interpretation of sex through the love lens and the husband’s interpretation of sex through the respect grid. I take this position because God commands the husband to love his wife in Ephesians 5:33 (C.O.U.P.L.E.) and commands a wife to respect her husband in that same verse (C.H.A.I.R.S.). (Please read parts 1 and 2 of this 3-part blog series for a more complete explanation of C.O.U.P.L.E. and C.H.A.I.R.S.)
Every married couple that is concerned about their sexual intimacy needs to answer the following with honesty and accuracy.Read More
In part 1 of this series, we discussed how even Hollywood unwittingly supports God’s design for unconditional love being absolutely vital to a woman in order for her to truly enjoy sex with a man long-term. Because in the end, for her the perennial question will always be, “Do you love me for me—unconditionally?” And when he assures her of his unconditional love toward her by acting out C.O.U.P.L.E.—the six biblical ways God’s Word reveals that a man should love his wife—he will be hitting on all cylinders the premiere aphrodisiac for his wife.Read More
In my opinion, anyone who watches movies gets the message that men and women have sexual needs and desires but that they are not the same.
In the movie For the Love of the Game, Billy Chapel (played by Kevin Costner) and Jane Aubrey (Kelly Preston) meet and hook up sexually. Because Billy travels as a professional baseball pitcher with the Detroit Tigers, they make a deal. Jane says, "So, when you're away, I'll live my life and you'll live yours. And none of this 'why didn't you call me?' crap. And what you do when you're not with me has nothing to do with me, and vice versa. No questions asked, no worrying, no obsessing."
Even though men and women are equal in the eyes of God, Scripture is clear that God has charged men with being the family’s spiritual leader (1 Corinthians 11:3; 1 Peter 3:1; Ephesians 5:22). I have found among most wives who follow Christ that not only do they not resist this biblical mandate but they actually hold a deep desire for their husbands to be the spiritual leader.Read More
Can a wife be guilty of helping her husband too much? At first glance, that may sound preposterous, right? I mean, of all the burdensome things a wife deals with during the day in managing her home and feeding her marriage, do we really have to add “don’t help husband too much” to her list?
The events of Genesis 2 speak to this, actually. Take another look at these verses that you are probably more than familiar with already:Read More
I was once talking with another man about his marriage, and he shared with me that whenever he and his wife would get into a fight, she would get “historical.” Curious at his choice of words, I asked him if he meant “hysterical.” He replied, “No, historical. She keeps dredging everything up from the past.”Read More
Much has been written and discussed about the “Proverbs 31 woman.” This oracle taught by the king’s mother describes quite the strong woman. - She “works with willing hands” (v. 13).Read More
Would it surprise you to hear me say that there is no better method for a husband to use to better energize, motivate, and influence his wife than to simply love her unconditionally? When a wife recognizes that her husband has decided to be a man who authentically and consistently loves her no matter her response, she comes under conviction about her disrespectful reactions to him.
When a wife discerns that her husband is not loving her based on her performance, but for the woman she is deep in her heart and for who God made her to be, this convicts and softens her.Read More
How do I ask my husband if he prays for me? Or should I not ask and hope he does? When a wife asks her husband, “Did you pray for me?” often times she does so in such a way that her husband hears a potential “gotcha” behind this question. Many are leery of why she asks, since he knows he prays less than she does; and he is also very aware of how often he forgets to pray at all, let alone pray for his wife specifically.Read More
One night as Sarah and I were driving home from a small group Bible study, Sarah expressed some strong feelings that had been building up in her over several weeks.
“You were boring in our Bible study tonight,” she said, almost angrily. “You intimidate people with your silence. And when you do talk, you sometimes say something insensitive. What you said to the new couple came across poorly.”
Years ago, the topic of Love and Respect and all it has led to stemmed from this one question to 7,000 people: When you are in a conflict with your spouse or significant other, do you feel unloved at that moment or disrespected? In response, 83 percent of the men said they feel disrespected and 72 percent of the women said they feel unloved. However, I am always quick to point out two caveats regarding these statistics. One, we are always talking about a bell curve here. Certainly, every man and woman is different and do not necessarily respond to conflict in the exact same ways. Two, both men and women need love and respect equally.Read More
RESPECT = C.H.A.I.R.S. Wives, in the Love and Respect book, I explain Biblically what God’s Word reveals about respecting the husband’s deepest desires as a male. These are the salient concepts from my findings.
Do these make sense to you? What doesn’t make sense to you? I would love to hear from you.Read More
Turned around from our previous post, how successful is it for a wife to decide, “I am not going to be respectful until he earns my respect. He needs to be more loving like me. Until then, he doesn't deserve my respect. He deserves my disrespect"? A wife cannot be dark-eyed, sour-faced, eye-rolling, finger-scolding, sigh-oriented, and disdain-speaking as ways of arousing her husband's romantic love. She can argue that he ought to respond humbly, with care, and empathetically, but most husbands withdraw and stonewall.
A wife said to me once,Read More
In part 2 Emerson answers the question, "Where do we go from here?" continuing the discussion of the double standard that confuses some husbands and will definitely confuse young sons who will see men and women as equal but women getting a pass for having attitudes that when manifested in men are condemned as self-centered arrogance. Look at the next couple of episodes for this topic as it relates to men.
Listen to Part 1 HERE.Read More
In this week's episode Emerson and Jonathan highlight a double standard that confuses some husbands and will definitely confuse our young sons who will see men and women as equal but women getting a pass for having attitudes that when manifested in men are condemned as self-centered arrogance. Stay tuned for Part II of this topic and then the same topic as it applies to men in the coming weeks.Read More
In part 1, we discussed the double standard that exists in society today that basically allows women to proclaim loudly their desire to be strong and independent in marriages while suppresses and defeats men trying to lead their families. This same double standard also confuses our young boys when they see the same attitude in men and women reacted to in completely opposite ways. But it’s not enough to simply acknowledge that this double standard exists.Read More
Some women live by a double standard which discourages and defeats some husbands and sons. Strong and Independent! For instance, we hear some women exclaim, “In my marriage, I am strong and independent.” But what if the husband were to declare, “In relationship to my wife, I am strong and independent!”? Many women would find that language repulsive. Why can women use this but men cannot? Because there is a double standard.Read More