Let’s say you and your spouse were faced with an unexpected expenditure that needed to be paid, like a $5,000 car expense due to a major problem with the engine. This expense overwhelmed and shocked both of you, becoming a problem you had to deal with together, as the two of you decided long ago that decisions on major expenses would best be handled together.Read More
Have you ever noticed how people seem to have different interpretations of or responses to the word “healthy” as they apply it to different things? Every parent loves to hear the news of their “healthy” baby just born and laid in their arms. But they are certainly under no illusion that their child will never be sick. Yes, their “healthy” child will more than likely even end back up in a hospital again one day from being so sick. Or a “healthy” savings account or 401(k) always lights up the eyes of a hard worker longing for the days of vacation, home renovation, or retirement. But as most people have learned in today’s roller coaster market, there is no guarantee that tomorrow’s balance will be quite as “healthy.” But does that mean we pull all our money out and stash it under our mattress? No, we leave it alone, with faith that the days ahead will once again be “healthy.” And of course they usually are.Read More
There’s a stand-out moment in the Old Testament story of Job that almost definitely has caught the eye of every married person who has read it. In Job 2:9, Job’s wife tells him to “Curse God and die.” Curse God and die? What awful thing had Job done to her? Infidelity? Physical abuse? Verbal assault?
No. None of these or anything else like it. Her condemning anger toward her husband was in response to all the horrific things that God had allowed Satan to do to their family—including loss of children, destruction of property, and excruciating boils covering her husband from head to toe.Read More
She is disappointed because she sees him neglecting her heartfelt concerns, even dismissing them in a condescending way. To her, he is too stoic, matter of fact. Furthermore, she cannot believe that he would bark out solutions when she simply needs from him a listening ear and empathetic demeanor. To her, two people who care for each other will "tend, mend, and befriend," and that revolves around what one feels. In her opinion, that is the key to connecting. Two people give the report on what they are feeling to build rapport. This is what marriage is all about—husband and wife talk to discover what they are feeling, and explore those feelings, and stay with the discussion about those feelings until there is a sense of closure and closeness. For a woman, to shut down on such conversations, to declare, “Just drop it and move on; it’s no big deal” is like finger nails down a chalkboard.Read More
We read in Genesis 2:24, “Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.” It is from this verse that we get the well-known saying that a husband “leaves and cleaves.” But for the husband who interprets this scriptural command to “leave and cleave” and become “one flesh” as purely sexual, I have some disappointing news to share with them. For most wives, cleaving does indeed mean a face-to-face closeness, but not in a sexual way. For her, this face-to-face closeness entails talking about the things that matter to her.Read More
In Ephesians 5:33, the apostle Paul wrote, “each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.” As God does not command things that are unnecessary, we can then infer that a woman has a need to feel loved (which no one ever disputes); but in the same token, we must then conclude that a man has a need to feel respected. And of course, the man’s need for respect has been largely glossed over by many throughout history, including in the church.Read More
“This book saved my marriage,” a man recently wrote me. He went on: I read your book Love and Respect, and I felt the need to reach out and say thank you. I'm a thirty-year-old man who has gone in and out of several addictions. Sex, porn, drugs—legal and illegal—and alcohol. I've totally burned my wife's trust and for several years now we have been on the brink of divorce. This book opened my eyes for why I do what I do, what I'm looking for, and most importantly, what I need to be giving.Read More
When we surveyed a 1,000 people who had had premarital sex with the partner they eventually married, we found that the degree of sexual involvement directly correlated with dissatisfaction in communication.
The more sexually involved the couple was prior to marriage, the more they now feel:
Question: How do I convince my husband to go to a Love and Respect conference? He does not want to have anything to do with counseling or marriage help, and we need it desperately.
Answer: You can respectfully ask him (or write in a note) something like this: “Would you be willing to join me in attending the Love and Respect conference, led by Dr. Emerson Eggerichs? Sarah Eggerichs, Emerson’s wife, says, ‘This conference is the conference men want to attend.'“
Women want to be loved by their husbands. Adored. Desired. Cherished. That should not be a surprise to anyone. You would be hard-pressed to find someone who would dispute a woman’s desire for love. But sadly, just because a woman desires love more than anything else from her husband, and even though he may say that he absolutely adores her with all his heart, that does not mean she always feels loved by him. And not feeling loved by the one she needs to feel loved by the most can cause a significant gap between her and her husband.Read More
In marriage one spouse tends to assign blame to the other for starting the marital troubles. For example, in courtship the husband was very talkative but after marriage he talked less, even withdrawing and stonewalling during conflict.
From the wife’s perspective, this was a bait-and-switch trick. He tricked her into thinking he was a communicative person but after marriage refused to meet her emotional need to connect via sharing hearts and feelings.Read More
Issues between husband and wife can pop up anywhere over just about anything. For example, a couple gets in a discussion over their son’s poor grades. The wife wants the husband to spend more time with the boy and help him with his homework; the husband is under tremendous pressure at his job and is having to work a lot of overtime. He says there is no time to help.Read More
In our love saturated culture, everyone understands and expects unconditional love. On the other hand, what is your reaction to the phrase “unconditional respect”? In 1 Peter 3:1,2 a wife is instructed that she can win her disobedient husband via her respectful behavior.
These Scriptures say:Read More
The Bible says, “The tongue of the wise brings healing” (Proverbs 12:18). Loving and respectful words not only have the power to create healthy communication but also to bring healing to the marriage. A wife says, “I start with an apology for my lack of respect.” Men, share why this apology for being disrespectful can heal the heart of a husband.Read More
A wife shared with me the following letter that she read aloud to her family on Thanksgiving 2007:“Every Thanksgiving we usually go around the table and say what we are thankful for before saying grace. This is usually a very easy task for me because God has blessed me so much, with three healthy children that I am able to stay home with, a beautiful home, my own health, good relationships with all of my family members, and the list could go on and on.Read More
What is the Issue? Children need to honor parents and show this in their respectful attitude and obedient actions. However, many parents do not always feel respected nor obeyed so they seek methods that will motivate the child to be respectful and obedient. How do we deal with this Issue? There are right ways of dealing with this and wrong ways. Join Emerson and Jonathan in Part I this week as they explore this topic.Read More
Join Emerson and Jonathan this week as they discuss 8 ways to prevent and get off the Crazy Cycle (see Episode 1 for a deeper explanation of the Crazy Cycle. Examples include what to do when you see the spirit of your spouse deflate, accepting some trouble as normal, and trusting in each other's goodwill.Read More
This article is part 5 of 6 in the “What’s Really Going on Here?” Series. Over the span of six articles, I want us to take a look at twelve different stories and begin to ask ourselves, what is really going on in this story? Is the husband overlooking his wife’s need for love? Is the wife overlooking her husband’s need for respect? How can they ever get off of the Crazy Cycle? Don’t Miss These Other Parts in the Series: