I believe a husband is to act lovingly whether or not he feels it. God’s command in Ephesians 5:33 for a husband to love his wife is to be followed as an act of obedience, not as a conditional response toward her respect for him.Read More
In my writings and conferences on Love and Respect, I like to use the analogy that men and women are as different as pink is from blue. Women look at the world through pink sunglasses, hear through pink hearing aids, and speak through a pink megaphone; while men do it all with blue. Which basically means a man and a woman can hear the exact same sentence and interpret it in completely different ways, or even say the exact same thing but mean completely different things with their words.Read More
Q: You talk a lot about how a wife needs love and a husband needs respect. But what if we are an exception? My husband wants love & I desire respect. Emerson says: First of all, both spouses need love and respect equally. This is not up for debate. However, research reveals that during conflict, the felt need of the majority of women is love while the felt need of the majority of men is respect.
But cultural and personal applications can vary.Read More
As sure as the sun rises tomorrow, when I say “Husbands need respect” a woman will exclaim, “Wives need respect too!” I agree with them. In fact, I teach this over and over. Yet some women seem to miss it. So please allow me to clarify for those who do.
In my book Love & Respect I address this in chapter 14: "Esteem—She Wants You to Honor and Cherish Her.” This is the chapter I require every husband to read...but if you are a woman and have missed this chapter, please check it out!Read More
“Emerson, I can’t believe the actual title of your blog! Only heretics would promote the false idea that a wife is not to LOVE her husband.” Before you burn me on a stake, hear me out. Put aside your box of matches for a moment.
THREE GREEK WORDS
What I mean is that God does not command wives to agape-love their husbands. In the Bible, only husbands are commanded to agape-love their wives.Read More
“Emerson, why do you teach that a husband must love his wife and a wife must respect her husband? Don’t we all need love and respect equally? After all, women need respect and men need love.” I agree that we all need love and respect equally.
But our research reveals that during conflict 83% of the husbands feel disrespected during marital squabbles and 72% of the wives feel unloved. For any number of reasons, men and women are different, and the beautiful thing is that God recognized that in Ephesians 5:33 where he commands husbands to love and wives to respect.Read More
We all need love and respect. I preach this and I teach this. I am not dogmatic in suggesting that a husband does not need love. I am not dogmatic in suggesting that a wife does not need respect. However, because Ephesians 5:33 reveals that a husband must love his wife and a wife must respect her husband, we see a distinction that is full of significance. Maybe we can answer this way: though we all need love and respect equally, like we all need water and food equally, a wife has a felt need for love and a husband has a felt need for respect. Said another way, she feels hunger pains for her husband's love more often in the marriage and a husband feels more thirsty for his wife's respect.
Why does this felt need surface?Read More
It's communication, right? As we study letters and emails from thousands of spouses, the common thread that runs through almost all of them is that, in one way or another, the number one problem in marriage is communication …or the lack thereof. I disagree.Read More
One wife, a strong-minded career woman, wrote to tell us how she and her husband were using the Love and Respect concepts and that, as a result, their Crazy Cycle had drastically slowed down. A Wife Wrote…Read More
Because I say that during conflict a woman’s deepest need is to feel loved whereas a man’s deepest need is to feel respected, people often think I’m saying a woman doesn’t need respect and a man doesn’t need love. That’s NOT what I’m saying.Read More
…a message from Sarah Eggerichs. My favorite part of the Love & Respect Marriage Conference is the opportunity to meet the amazing men and women who attend. I am especially moved by the men who come. Why? Because I see men respond in powerful ways to this message and it always touches my heart. In fact, I want to subtitle it “The marriage conference men want to attend!”Read More
One of the questions I hear the most is some variation of, “Are you telling me I have to unconditionally respect my husband’s bad behavior and become a door mat? Everyone knows respect must be earned!”Read More
At times I receive mail or personal inquiries at our conferences to the effect: "We don't fit your description of husband and wife.Read More
A critic states, "Love and respect is too simplistic for couples who have more serious problems." Yes, many couples have serious problems beyond love and respect.Read More
Last week I shared a testimony from a couple who discovered mutual respect for one another. Because I talk about a woman’s deepest need for love, and a man’s deepest need for respect, I sometimes get the comment from women, “Well, I need respect too!” To which I reply, “Absolutely!”Read More
A woman writes, “Please help. I have a women's study group and we are watching the DVD. I know that Emerson has several times mentioned that the love and respect issues are 'typical' and not all-inclusive to the point of stereotyping. However, I have a friend who can't see past the 'stereotype' issue...all men need respect, not love, and all women need love, not respect, PERIOD.”
WE ALL NEED LOVE AND RESPECT
When I preach the wife needs love and the husband needs respect, based on Ephesians 5:33, I also preach that the wife needs respect and the husband needs love based on 1 Peter 3:7 and Titus 2:4.
When people hear that I promote the idea that a wife needs love and a husband needs respect, these people react to me as though I belong to the Neanderthal period. Immediately they softly scream, “But a wife needs respect and a husband needs love!"
I want to sarcastically retort,