Leaders from different countries, such as the United States and France, have disagreements at times and do things that feel uncaring and dishonoring to each other.Read More
This should in no way be surprising to hear, but simply realizing the causes and effects of the Crazy Cycle does not mean you and your spouse will stop taking spins on them. Learning about her pink way of communicating and interpreting the world, as opposed to your blue perspective on life, does not mean you will always like her pink way of going about things or that she will always speak to you in a way that your blue hearing aids correctly interpret as a respectful response. And even if a wife always keeps Ephesians 5:33 at the forefront of her mind and shows unconditional respect, reinforced by the greatest Respect Talk known to man, this does not mean her husband will love her perfectly, all the time, in a way that is music to her pink ears.Read More
I hear often from discouraged husbands and wives who say their marriage simply does not work. They feel they have tried everything – even love and respect – and it didn't work. They are ready to give up. If this describes you, are you willing to try a new approach?
But my spouse doesn't respond!
What is your worst fear in marriage? Is it that you will do all you can to love and respect unconditionally but your spouse will not respond? If so, you are not alone in that fear. After all, it takes two, right? And if your spouse has already given up, there is nothing left to do.Read More
What should we say to the person who dismisses the Love and Respect approach to relationships by declaring their situation is too complex and the message is too simple? First, seek to agree with the reality of difficult times. The Bible says in 2 Timothy 3:1-5,
"But realize this, that in the last days difficult times will come. For men will be lovers of self, lovers of money, boastful, arrogant, revilers, disobedient to parents, ungrateful, unholy, unloving, irreconcilable, malicious gossips, without self-control, brutal, haters of good, treacherous, reckless, conceited, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God, holding to a form of godliness, although they have denied its power."Read More
Emerson is often told that the Love and Respect principles are too simple for a particularly complex situation, and so therefore they don't apply. In this week’s episode, he responds by discussing various difficult or complex situations and making the case that love and respect are like food and water to any given situation--they are necessary, but specific interventions, resources, etc. must be brought to the uniqueness of each situation.Read More
Q: Sometimes it seems like you are giving the other person an excuse for not being loving. You probably aren't, but why can't I expect my husband to be loving just out of unconditional love like God commands? How will it ever be unconditional if it is just a response to how I act?Read More
Over the years, I have heard spouses complain, “I cannot do this love and respect thing.” They refer to God’s command in Ephesians 5:33. Husbands are to love and wives respect.
My heart goes out to them. Sarah and I fall short as well.
I ask them to explain and I hear one main reason.
"My spouse is too unlovable and unrespectable."Read More
Q: You talk a lot about how a wife needs love and a husband needs respect. But what if we are an exception? My husband wants love & I desire respect. Emerson says: First of all, both spouses need love and respect equally. This is not up for debate. However, research reveals that during conflict, the felt need of the majority of women is love while the felt need of the majority of men is respect.
But cultural and personal applications can vary.Read More
FAQ: “I have tried Love and Respect for a few months. Nothing is changing in my marriage. Why isn’t this working?” Dr. E says: My encouragement to you is to be consistent and do not give up! Love and respect is not a “magic bullet” nor is it a vending machine: “If I love her, she’ll give me respect immediately.” Or – “If I respect him, he’ll immediately give me the love I want!” That’s manipulation, and that’s not loving or respectful! If your spouse senses that you are manipulating him/her in any way, this will backfire.Read More
Recently I posted a blog about it taking two to make a marriage work and it’s not the two people you may think! We received a lot of comments on that post. Many agreed, but many disagreed saying it takes three, both spouses and God.
Lisa Shea has been leading women in how to show respect to their husbands since 2004 when she read my book “Motivating Your Man God’s Way.” She has been on staff with Love and Respect for the past three years.Read More
Over the years I have heard people exclaim, “I made a mistake in marrying this person.” “Why?” I ask. They reply, "Because we can never agree on much at all. One of us wants this and the other wants that. Tension arises every day. I am sick and tired of bucking heads. I should never have married this person." Ever feel this way? I invite you to mull over a couple truths from the Bible. Based on these Scriptures I find it unlikely that you made a mistake!Read More
Q: We want to have a Love and Respect marriage, but we keep falling into our old patterns. This is harder than we thought. Are we missing something? Dr. E says: One of our chief concerns at Love and Respect is not that people hear the message, important as that is, but that couples will go on to practice love and respect effectively in their daily lives.
Simple isn’t easy.Read More
FAQ: Is it Too Late to Save Our Marriage? There is no love left between us, and we are tired of working at a loveless marriage. I understand your discouragement. Nearly every marriage goes through times when the love seems to be gone and one or both spouses want to give up. You are not alone! Is it too late?Read More
One wife, a strong-minded career woman, wrote to tell us how she and her husband were using the Love and Respect concepts and that, as a result, their Crazy Cycle had drastically slowed down. A Wife Wrote…Read More
Because I say that during conflict a woman’s deepest need is to feel loved whereas a man’s deepest need is to feel respected, people often think I’m saying a woman doesn’t need respect and a man doesn’t need love. That’s NOT what I’m saying.Read More
It’s been said that expectations often lead to disappointment. I tend to agree. In fact, when it comes to behavior in marriage, I would say this: When you do the right thing, expect two things: negative reactions or quiet unresponsiveness.Read More
In Marriage, We Will Have Trouble! I even go so far as to say that God has designed conflict in marriage. Yes, God desires that we all live in harmony, but that doesn’t mean we will live in an environment free from all conflict (or trouble).Read More
Last week I encouraged you to look back on how God brought you and your spouse together. But what if you weren’t following God when you married? In fact, what if you started your marriage all wrong? Does God give us a pass and allow us to walk away and start over?Read More