On our wedding day, we stand before our family and friends and our loving Lord and commit to each other with a vow that most likely goes something like: “to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, until death do us part.” Hopefully, nobody else will say what this fellow said at the altar, “If you cannot be with the one you love, love the one you are with.” As he later commented, “That was probably not a great way to start off my wedding vows.”Read More
Between all husbands and wives there is a dynamic called "criticism-and-withdrawal.” For example, a wife criticizes her husband for being late again for dinner. He withdraws by going quiet and feeling miffed by what he feels is an unfair criticism since his boss demanded he stay late again.Read More
To many husbands and wives, solving every single marital problem that arises means two completely different things concerning the quality of their marriage. Much of this stems from the different ways they each prefer to handle conflict.Read More
I believe a husband is to act lovingly whether or not he feels it. God’s command in Ephesians 5:33 for a husband to love his wife is to be followed as an act of obedience, not as a conditional response toward her respect for him.Read More
In Love and Respect, Emerson Eggerichs highlights how to spell love to a wife, using the acronym C.O.U.P.L.E. When a goodwilled wife appears negative and offensive toward her husband, she is simply crying out for: Closeness, Openness, Understanding, Peacemaking, Loyalty, and Esteem. When her husband responds toward her with C.O.U.P.L.E., instead of withdrawing and stonewalling during conflict as is his male nature, it will energize his wife and she will respond with respect.Read More
This should in no way be surprising to hear, but simply realizing the causes and effects of the Crazy Cycle does not mean you and your spouse will stop taking spins on them. Learning about her pink way of communicating and interpreting the world, as opposed to your blue perspective on life, does not mean you will always like her pink way of going about things or that she will always speak to you in a way that your blue hearing aids correctly interpret as a respectful response. And even if a wife always keeps Ephesians 5:33 at the forefront of her mind and shows unconditional respect, reinforced by the greatest Respect Talk known to man, this does not mean her husband will love her perfectly, all the time, in a way that is music to her pink ears.Read More
By far, one of the most rewarding aspects of being a part of Love and Respect is hearing from others about their relationships. Whether it is in person, at a conference or in an e-mail exchange, it is always a blessing to learn how others are trying to strengthen their marriage and work through tough issues that unfortunately many in this world simply allow to divide them further from their spouse.Read More
A wife longs for her husband to hear her heart. She becomes insecure when he does not. What can she do?
Given your husband has goodwill and wants to do God's will, I suggest looking in four areas and trying to “H.E.A.R.” your husband.
H: Honor his desire to honor God. If there is any positive thing you see in his walk with God, say, "I want to honor your desire to honor God. I have noticed how you _____." Fill in the blank. While most likely there are things you wish he did in his walk with God that he isn't currently doing, don't go there. This exercise is about addressing the positive—how you see your husband honoring God—because it is true, honorable, and right.
Wives, what would you think if your husband said something like the following? “On a scale of 1–10, you have to be at least a 7 according to my standards before I will speak to you with a loving tone of voice. If you are a 6 or below, I will talk to you any way I like. If I sound a little rough or crude, get used to it.” Husbands, what would you think if your wife said something like the following? “On a scale of 1–10, you have to be at least a 7 according to my standards before I will speak to you respectfully. If you are a 6 or below, I will say what I like, usually with some contempt.”Read More
This article is part 3 of 6 in the “What’s Really Going on Here?” Series. Over the span of six articles, I want us to take a look at twelve different stories and begin to ask ourselves, what is really going on in this story? Is the husband overlooking his wife’s need for love? Is the wife overlooking her husband’s need for respect? How can they ever get off of the Crazy Cycle?
The Word: Is God’s simple revelation on Love and Respect given to stop the Crazy Cycle?Read More
This article is part 2 of 6 in the “What’s Really Going on Here?” Series. Over the span of six articles, I want us to take a look at twelve different stories and begin to ask ourselves, what is really going on in this story? Is the husband overlooking his wife’s need for love? Is the wife overlooking her husband’s need for respect? How can they ever get off of the Crazy Cycle?
The Word: Can the apparent lack of love or respect offend?Read More
She Needs Love, He Needs Respect I heard of a businessman who went to Toronto. That night at the hotel, he talked to the clerk, who liked riddles. The clerk said, “My mother and father had a baby. And it wasn't my brother and it wasn't my sister. Who was it?” The businessman said, “I don't know. Who?” The clerk said, “It was me.” The guy said, “Yeah, okay.”
So the businessman goes home to Michigan. He says to his friend, “Hey, I got a riddle for you. My mother and father had a baby. And it wasn't my brother and it wasn't my sister. Who was it?” His friend said, “I don't know. Who was it?” The businessman says, “It was a clerk in Toronto!”Read More
There are two elements that are foundational to the long-term success of an organization. As odd as this may sound, they are love and respect. Said negatively and drastically, if there is hostility and contempt, the organization cannot continue to succeed if it has succeeded, at least not significantly. Put it this way, good people leave and customers sense something is wrong. Join Emerson and Jonathan as they discuss this topic of business, which does apply to other environments such as teacher and student, coach and player, etc.Read More
In part 1, we discussed Job and his disrespectful wife and how he was able to love her “as to the Lord,” despite her being a conduit for the devil. Now let’s turn to a biblical example of an unloving husband with a wife who found a way to still respect him.
What about the Respectful Wife?
What about the wife living with a man who turns everybody off?Read More
Some people live in fear that as they seek to apply the Love and Respect message their spouse will not respond in like manner. When that happens, their fears are confirmed and they ask, “What do I do now?”
Respectful Yet Unloved / Loving Yet Dissed
Based on Ephesians 5:33 a wife puts on respect in obedience to God’s command with the hope that her husband will act on his part of the verse where God commands him to love her. She works hard at respecting his work efforts, his sense of responsibility to protect and provide, his personal strength and decision-making, his shoulder-to-shoulder friendship without talking, and his sexuality, yet he does not reciprocate with the love she needs.Read More
Some people live in fear that as they seek to apply the Love and Respect message their spouse will not respond in like manner, and then when that happens it confirms their fears. Join Emerson and Jonathan this week as they discuss this important topic.Read More
One day my wife, Sarah, asked me, “If you die, should I stay in this home?" Though the question seemed random, it didn't bother me; it was a good question. But it caused me to ask myself, Why is she asking this? I was objectively curious. I knew that if I asked her the same question, it would ignite a series of follow-up questions from her:Read More