Let’s say you and your spouse were faced with an unexpected expenditure that needed to be paid, like a $5,000 car expense due to a major problem with the engine. This expense overwhelmed and shocked both of you, becoming a problem you had to deal with together, as the two of you decided long ago that decisions on major expenses would best be handled together.Read More
Yesterday, I shared this powerful testimony from a wife. If you missed it, make sure you go back and read it before reading my response.
Your testimony is powerful. Brilliant. Moving. Discerning. Persuasive.
Over the years, I have coached countless wives to make a positive list of qualities about their husbands. I gave this assignment to counter the overwhelming negativity toward their husbands. This exercise has radically changed their view of their husbands.
As men, this is difficult for us to grasp.Read More
John is a student writing a paper on male and female communication. He emailed me saying, "I would be honored if you would please take a few, brief moments and answer three questions for me."
Question #1: In your opinion, what communication breakdowns occur between males and females?
We often say communication is the key to a successful marriage; however, I prefer to say that mutual understanding is the key.Read More
Q: Why does Ephesians 5:33, in the Bible, command a husband to love and a wife to respect?Emerson says: Recently on facebook, we posted the following quote from my book, Love & Respect: "When sorting out how to slow down the Crazy Cycle, it helps to remember that men are commanded to love because they don’t love naturally, and on the other side, women are commanded to respect because they don’t respect naturally” (p. 70). While the majority of readers related positively to this post, there were some who disagreed with my interpretation of “why” the command was gender-specific in Ephesians 5:33.Read More
As sure as the sun rises tomorrow, when I say “Husbands need respect” a woman will exclaim, “Wives need respect too!” I agree with them. In fact, I teach this over and over. Yet some women seem to miss it. So please allow me to clarify for those who do.
In my book Love & Respect I address this in chapter 14: "Esteem—She Wants You to Honor and Cherish Her.” This is the chapter I require every husband to read...but if you are a woman and have missed this chapter, please check it out!Read More
Over the years I have heard people exclaim, “I made a mistake in marrying this person.” “Why?” I ask. They reply, "Because we can never agree on much at all. One of us wants this and the other wants that. Tension arises every day. I am sick and tired of bucking heads. I should never have married this person." Ever feel this way? I invite you to mull over a couple truths from the Bible. Based on these Scriptures I find it unlikely that you made a mistake!Read More
MY MOM AND DAD When I was 2 ½, I watched my dad attempt to strangle my mom. This was just one of many incidents of chaos in my home growing up, but that scene as a tiny boy stands out vividly. When I was 11, I learned my Dad committed adultery. My parents divorced, remarried one another, and then separated again. (Love & Respect in the Family, pages 9-11). The pain from this ongoing instability created such hurt and anger within me that my Mom sent me away to a military school from ages 13 to 18.Read More
As a wife, you notice a man and a woman walking hand in hand. You see a couple sitting together in the park, talking face to face on a bench. You beam all the way through your friend's wedding. As you pass the hospital, you see new parents coming from the maternity ward, and your mind races back to the birth of your child and what you felt as a couple.Read More
Because I say that during conflict a woman’s deepest need is to feel loved whereas a man’s deepest need is to feel respected, people often think I’m saying a woman doesn’t need respect and a man doesn’t need love. That’s NOT what I’m saying.Read More
Occasionally someone will say to me, “Emerson, I’m contemplating your theory of love and respect…and I think you may be on to something.” I smile at this but I also clarify that this isn’t “my theory”…this is a command from the all-wise God in Ephesians 5:33, and this is why it is a message that resonates around the world. It’s not a message exclusive to Americans, or a certain age group, or ethnic group. The Love & Respect message is for men and women everywhere.Read More