Posts tagged Family Roles
Your Parents’ Marital Problems Do Not Have to Become Yours Too

Have you ever realized that the most impactful influence on your children’s marriage—whether they are two years old and barely able to say “da-da” or twenty-two and about to walk down the aisle—is your marriage? Yes, you! Your marriage to their mom or dad teaches them both directly and indirectly how a married couple works together.

This certainly includes the way you love and respect each other. Your kids may not yet have learned the biblical emphasis on love and respect or even be old enough to know what “respect” means, but they are learning all about it nonetheless . . . from you!

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A Man’s Discovery That Respect Is a Biblical Truth

In Ephesians 5:33, the apostle Paul wrote, “each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.” As God does not command things that are unnecessary, we can then infer that a woman has a need to feel loved (which no one ever disputes); but in the same token, we must then conclude that a man has a need to feel respected. And of course, the man’s need for respect has been largely glossed over by many throughout history, including in the church.

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Love and Respect Reunites a Divorced Couple!

You will find no better story or example than in the below e-mail to illustrate better the marriage-saving, life-impacting power of learning to love and respect each other according to God’s Word. Stories like these is what motivates us at Love and Respect Ministries to continue plowing forward teaching and sharing God’s not-so-secret “secret” to marriage found in Ephesians 5:33:

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Mothers: Find Comfort in Looking to God

On Mother’s Day, as a mother you can find comfort in looking to God to help you in your parenting.  How reassuring it is for us that Jesus refers to the Holy Spirit as our Helper (John 14:16). I love His description. He is the Helper because we need help. How simple is that? And, it is okay to need help. It is most appropriate to echo the psalmist, "Let Your hand be ready to help me, for I have chosen Your precepts” (Psalm 119:173).

Will you ask God to help you because you have chosen to follow the precepts He reveals to you as a parent? 

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How to Connect with Your Adult Son

Every mother wishes to connect emotionally with her adult son. However, sons can be a bit more independent and distant than daughters, who stay more connected with their moms and not infrequently wish to live near their mothers or talk regularly with their moms. An adult son typically moves out and intends to start a family with a wife, and generally is more autonomous. Jesus said, “a man shall leave his father and mother” (Mark 10:7). This is normal for a young man to do.

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Meet Your Son’s Deepest Need for Respect

More times than I can recall, a wife has attended our Love and Respect Conference and connected the dots that applying respect to her son has also been deeply needed at home. There is even a Crazy Cycle of its own that spins between a mother and her son: without respect a son reacts without love, and without love a mother reacts without respect. I have heard many testimonies like the one below that show the life-changing results that come when a mother understands and begins applying respect to her son as well.

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How One Mother’s Respect-Talk Found the Hero in Her Son

In my book Mother & Son: The Respect Effect, I share the need for not only your husband to feel and hear your respect, but your son as well, no matter his age. Even your preschooler has a “man inside the boy” who naturally responds to words of respect, as little Samuel’s mother learned and applied in her relationship with her son. Read about her experience with using Respect-Talk and ask yourself how you might begin applying the same with your son:

Dear Dr. Emerson,

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This Christmas Will You Speak Only What is Necessary When Gathered as a Family? Why?

A person who modeled thinking before speaking what was unnecessary was my mom. My parents divorced when I was one, remarried, then separated again for five years. Even though Mom could’ve thrown Dad under the bus while raising me on her own, I appreciate that she abstained from doing so. She expressed later in her life that it was unnecessary for me to hear such things. Mom was other-focused. Because of her heart of love for me, she sought to serve my needs with her words. She was not careless in her words because she cared. She pulled back from communicating information that I didn’t need to hear, even though she may have felt better after having done it.

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You Are Not Predestined to Argue the Same Way Your Parents Did

A teenage boy was feeling sorry for himself, feeling as though his mother didn't love him. He said to her, "If you don't love me, why'd you have me?" The mother shot back, "Well, we didn't know it was going to be you." All of us came into this world by way of two parents. There are no exceptions to this. Regardless, there are no perfect parents. In fact, there was once a convention held for adult children of normal parents. No one attended.

Because we have imperfect parents, not only do we have to deal with their issues but we also inherit many of them.

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Do Some Wives Live by A Double Standard, And Is That Ok Because They Are Vulnerable Victims? Part I -- Love and Respect Podcast Ep. 105

In this week's episode Emerson and Jonathan highlight a double standard that confuses some husbands and will definitely confuse our young sons who will see men and women as equal but women getting a pass for having attitudes that when manifested in men are condemned as self-centered arrogance. Stay tuned for Part II of this topic and then the same topic as it applies to men in the coming weeks.

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Different Views on Sex and Parenting: How to Avoid Marital Crisis

Husbands and wives have many hot topics, but not many rate higher than sex and childrearing techniques. Yes, we can throw finances, in-laws, and work issues into the mix, but sex and childrearing are usually right up there for most couples.

A husband wrote:

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Can Silence From a Mom Cause a Son to Speak?

I asked our son David on the first day of 5th grade, “So how was your day?” “Good.” “Anything exciting happen?” “No.” “What did you do?” “Nothing.” Second Day: “So David how was your day?” “Good.” “Anything exciting happen?” “No.” “What did you do?” “Nothing.” And so the conversation continued like this for the rest of the week until Friday when he said, “Mom, it’s the same everyday. If anything changes, I’ll let you know!”

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How To Mother on the Teeter-Totter Between Hostility and Appeasement

A teacher told me, “The kindergarten classroom is a little more complicated than a normal family setting, but I have so often wished that I could take the mothers of these boys, turn them invisible, and let them see how their sons are (respectfully) treated in our class. Too often, these . . . moms . . . speak very disrespectfully about the father, and have a tendency to make the same mistakes of disrespect with their sons. . . . They tend to bounce back and forth between appeasement and hostility when dealing with their sons.”What a profound observation.

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One Simple Way To Better Connect With Your Son

The #1 application of the Love and Respect message beyond marriage is by moms who apply to their sons what they learned from our book or at our conference.

This mother read the “Parenting Pink and Blue” chapter in Love and Respect in the Family and applied it to her daily interactions with her son.

Here is the “respect effect.”

She writes,

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How To Keep The Romance Going With A New Baby

With a 6 month-old to care for, time is at a premium around our house. And I worry that he's feeling pushed to the wayside - or that maybe even I will start to feel pushed to the wayside soon. How can I keep the romance going and let him know he's still my perfect match on a regular basis?

ANSWER:

I deeply appreciate your sensitivity to your husband.  You are thinking wisely and pro-actively.  For example, you will do fine if you voice this kind of thing on a regular basis: "You mean the world to me and are my perfect match."

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In Your Marriage, Do You Listen To Both Sides Of The Story?

How would you feel if someone took you to court and accused you of murdering another person but you were not allowed to verbally defend yourself or even have a lawyer? What if, after only hearing from the accuser, the jury convened and sentenced you to life in prison without parole? And here’s the kicker, what if you had an alibi proving there was no way you could have committed the murder and furthermore you had indisputable proof that your accuser was actually the murderer? But you were never allowed to defend yourself.

If you had fallen victim to an inconceivable injustice such as this, you would be in absolute shock.

What Happens When Hearing Only One Side?

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Are Our Parents To Blame For Our Issues? Part 1

Many of us look at the things in ourselves that we do not like and at the negative reactions from people we do not like, and we wonder, Do these problems exist in my life because of my parents? If they had been better parents, or had treated me better, then surely I’d be a better person with fewer personal and interpersonal problems, right?

First, we see things in ourselves that make us unhappy.

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Are Our Parents To Blame For Our Issues? -- Love and Respect Podcast Ep. 069

Many of us look at the things in ourselves that we do not like and at the negative reactions from people we do not like, and we wonder, "Do these problems exist in my life because of my parents? If they had been better parents, or had treated me better, then surely I’d be a better person with fewer personal and interpersonal problems, right?" Join Emerson and Jonathan this week as they discuss this important issue.

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