Posts tagged Family
Your Parents’ Marital Problems Do Not Have to Become Yours Too

Have you ever realized that the most impactful influence on your children’s marriage—whether they are two years old and barely able to say “da-da” or twenty-two and about to walk down the aisle—is your marriage? Yes, you! Your marriage to their mom or dad teaches them both directly and indirectly how a married couple works together.

This certainly includes the way you love and respect each other. Your kids may not yet have learned the biblical emphasis on love and respect or even be old enough to know what “respect” means, but they are learning all about it nonetheless . . . from you!

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Mothers: Find Comfort in Looking to God

On Mother’s Day, as a mother you can find comfort in looking to God to help you in your parenting.  How reassuring it is for us that Jesus refers to the Holy Spirit as our Helper (John 14:16). I love His description. He is the Helper because we need help. How simple is that? And, it is okay to need help. It is most appropriate to echo the psalmist, "Let Your hand be ready to help me, for I have chosen Your precepts” (Psalm 119:173).

Will you ask God to help you because you have chosen to follow the precepts He reveals to you as a parent? 

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Meet Your Son’s Deepest Need for Respect

More times than I can recall, a wife has attended our Love and Respect Conference and connected the dots that applying respect to her son has also been deeply needed at home. There is even a Crazy Cycle of its own that spins between a mother and her son: without respect a son reacts without love, and without love a mother reacts without respect. I have heard many testimonies like the one below that show the life-changing results that come when a mother understands and begins applying respect to her son as well.

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It Began with Simply Deciding to Respect

It truly warms my heart to receive letters such as the following. I share it with you now, wondering if you might be able to relate with the writer’s personal story:


My parents divorced when I was thirteen, and I have struggled with my relationship with my dad ever since. I see the importance of healthy marriages, especially for the kids involved. It is my belief that if we can get our marriages to a healthy spot, then we can continue to move forward doing what God has called us to do together as husband and wife, to join Him in His kingdom work!

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This Christmas Will You Speak Only What is Necessary When Gathered as a Family? Why?

A person who modeled thinking before speaking what was unnecessary was my mom. My parents divorced when I was one, remarried, then separated again for five years. Even though Mom could’ve thrown Dad under the bus while raising me on her own, I appreciate that she abstained from doing so. She expressed later in her life that it was unnecessary for me to hear such things. Mom was other-focused. Because of her heart of love for me, she sought to serve my needs with her words. She was not careless in her words because she cared. She pulled back from communicating information that I didn’t need to hear, even though she may have felt better after having done it.

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Saying "Thanks" Versus Being Grateful, Part II -- Love and Respect Podcast Ep. 125

We can say "thanks" but not be grateful. We can mouth words but our hearts are elsewhere. We are fixated on ourselves. We have probably all seen this in ourselves. The Bible says in 2 Timothy 3:2 that people can be "lovers of self... ungrateful." We can even sing a song of thanks while in a worship service at church but inwardly dwell on the hurt and offense we feel toward someone who wronged us the day before. Join Emerson and Jonathan in part 2 this week and continuing the conversation about gratefulness but focusing on the intangible.

Listen to the podcast HERE. Access it on iTunes HERE, on Stitcher HERE, and on the Love and Respect App HERE.

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Should You Read a Letter Like This to Your Family This Thanksgiving?

A wife shared with me the following letter that she read aloud to her family on Thanksgiving 2007:“Every Thanksgiving we usually go around the table and say what we are thankful for before saying grace. This is usually a very easy task for me because God has blessed me so much, with three healthy children that I am able to stay home with, a beautiful home, my own health, good relationships with all of my family members, and the list could go on and on.

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The Difference Between Saying "Thanks" and Being Grateful, Part 1

We can say "thanks" but not be grateful. We can mouth words but our hearts are elsewhere. We are fixated on ourselves. I know, because I have seen this in myself. The Bible says in 2 Timothy 3:2 that people can be "lovers of self . . . ungrateful."

We can even sing a song of thanks while in a worship service at church but inwardly dwell on the hurt and offense we feel toward someone who wronged us the day before.

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Both Men and Women Tend and Mend People With Problems But Start Out Differently! Part 2

In part 1 we discussed many of the different gender traits in men and women, proven by science and recognized by most, including Hollywood. These differences are the core reasons why men and women approach problems differently, in the way they tend and mend others. But is it possible that these differences can actually complement each other, rather than conflict with each other, when it comes to men and women approaching problems together?

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Both Men and Women Tend and Mend People With Problems But Start Out Differently! Part 1

A woman tends and mends people with problems. A man tends and mends problems that people have. Both tend and mend. But they start in different places. Allow me to explain.

Gender Traits

Over the years research has repeatedly found masculine and feminine traits that differ.

Generally speaking, women evidence these traits: gentleness, modesty, humility, sacrifice, supportiveness, empathy, compassion, tenderness, cooperative, connectivity, nurturance, intuitiveness, sensitivity, expressiveness, responsiveness, sentimentality, verbal, and unselfishness. I believe most women agree with these qualities about themselves and view these as evidence that they are caring human beings and wish to be loved because of these qualities.

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When Cousins as Adults Need to Confront the Parents Who Aren’t Getting Along

Suppose multiple sets of parents are fighting as brothers and sisters because an inheritance was unevenly divided or something happened that created bitterness among them to the point that they are no longer really talking or spending time together as before.

The adult kids could say:

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The Four Step Game Plan to Apologize and Make It Right

When we miscommunicate, most people readily forgive us when we ask them to do so. After all, they themselves have misspoken and have little interest in throwing stones. This is especially so when they see us making an honest mistake. What drives people nuts is when they feel that we spoke or wrote something that was designed to hurt or offend them, and we have no intentions of owning up to it, apologizing, and correcting our error.

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You Are Not Predestined to Argue the Same Way Your Parents Did

A teenage boy was feeling sorry for himself, feeling as though his mother didn't love him. He said to her, "If you don't love me, why'd you have me?" The mother shot back, "Well, we didn't know it was going to be you." All of us came into this world by way of two parents. There are no exceptions to this. Regardless, there are no perfect parents. In fact, there was once a convention held for adult children of normal parents. No one attended.

Because we have imperfect parents, not only do we have to deal with their issues but we also inherit many of them.

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Different Views on Sex and Parenting: How to Avoid Marital Crisis

Husbands and wives have many hot topics, but not many rate higher than sex and childrearing techniques. Yes, we can throw finances, in-laws, and work issues into the mix, but sex and childrearing are usually right up there for most couples.

A husband wrote:

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Can Silence From a Mom Cause a Son to Speak?

I asked our son David on the first day of 5th grade, “So how was your day?” “Good.” “Anything exciting happen?” “No.” “What did you do?” “Nothing.” Second Day: “So David how was your day?” “Good.” “Anything exciting happen?” “No.” “What did you do?” “Nothing.” And so the conversation continued like this for the rest of the week until Friday when he said, “Mom, it’s the same everyday. If anything changes, I’ll let you know!”

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6 Prayers For Mothers to Pray Based on the Word of God

James says we have not because we ask not, so praying is fundamental (James 4:2).There is power in asking! There is less of God’s power when we do not ask.

We receive less when we are remiss in asking.

But because we ask does not mean we always receive.

Jesus prayed three times for the cup of suffering to pass (Matthew 26:44). The apostle Paul thrice prayed for the thorn in the flesh to be removed (2 Corinthians 12:8).

God did not answer their specific prayers.

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As a Mom, What Do I Do When I Feel Tired and Hurt?

You give, give, and give. But the Bible provides a warning: “Let us not lose heart in doing good, for in due time we will reap if we do not grow weary” (Galatians 6:9). A mother who does good toward her son day after day can grow weary and lose heart when she does not observe any fruitful reaping.

When her boy does not listen and willfully disobeys, he can wear her out on any given day.

When exhausted, she can let down her guard. She can let go of controlling her emotions. On top of this, if she is feeling horrible about herself, who cares? She lets it rip against her boy.

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What is so Unique About Emerson's Message to Mothers? -- Love and Respect Podcast Ep. 093

Join Emerson and Jonathan this week as they discuss Emerson's most recent book, Mother & Son: The Respect Effect, a book that Emerson sees as an encyclopedia of information that a mom can turn to during various moments of conflict with her son. In this episode three topics are discussed: The Message of Respect is unique compared to the message of love; The Outcome of Respect is unique according to mothers; and The Thirst for Respect is unique in boys compared to girls.

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