On our wedding day, we stand before our family and friends and our loving Lord and commit to each other with a vow that most likely goes something like: “to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, until death do us part.” Hopefully, nobody else will say what this fellow said at the altar, “If you cannot be with the one you love, love the one you are with.” As he later commented, “That was probably not a great way to start off my wedding vows.”Read More
Does weakness equal unrighteousness? More specifically, though your spouse may disappoint you by failing to be the person you want or need them to be—revealing their weakness—does that mean they are actually sinning against you—revealing morally objectionable behavior?Read More
A person claims their spouse is selfish and stubborn, refusing to deal with their disagreement by finding a win-win solution. But is the spouse selfish? Or, could the spouse have goodwill but is more fearful than stubborn?Read More
No reasonable parent would defend a selfish child who is refusing to share any of his toys with his siblings. Similarly, few are the people who would not be bothered by a selfish business owner who was not wanting to share any of the company’s abundant profits with the hardworking employees who made it all possible. In almost any situation, selfishness is not something people will stand for.Read More
Most wives I have met actually do long for their husbands to be the spiritual leader of their family. They are not resisting his leadership; they truly do believe it's biblical. However, they fear that he will not take their opinions into consideration.Read More
Have you heard the joke that says, "A man will pay two dollars for an item he needs that is only worth a dollar, whereas a woman will pay a dollar for an item she doesn't need that is worth two dollars but is on sale”? Is that always true? Of course not. But people laugh at this because they have heard many women in their lives justifying a purchase because "it was on sale!” On the other hand, while men tend not to do as much shopping as women (though there are exceptions), when they feel they have to have something, they will typically pay more to get it right then and there.Read More
As I speak and write about often, there is a distinct pink and blue difference in men and women that God designed in all of us. She views the world through her pink sunglasses, speaks through her pink megaphone, and hears through her pink hearing aids. Which is completely different from how he interprets and communicates through his blue sunglasses, blue megaphone, and blue hearing aids.
This God-designed difference in men and women even extends to how they each are energized in their relationship with their spouse.Read More
In this week's episode Emerson and Jonathan look at a specific example of a husband and wife disagreeing on how they should approach their son, where the husband is reporting significant frustration. Taking the position that mothers and wives are never mean-spirited in such situations but that they truly care, Emerson discusses how her fears and care have unintended consequences toward the good willed husband.Read More
I'm a spender, my wife is not. I have a hobby that costs money, my wife's interests cost substantially less (close to zero). We both make more than a decent living, pay all our bills and save a lot of money, but I see my wife living in a state of fear and lack (where none exists) and I see the money I do spend on my hobby as adding to my life and bringing me a tremendous amount of joy (it's photography, so it is something I engage with and share with my family regularly). It is as though each of us is waiting for the other to change, which seems highly unlikely. What are some good solutions?Read More
In part 1, we discussed the first four surefire ways to fuel disagreements into a feud. Most likely, one or even all of them hit a little too close to home for you, and you recognized ways in which you have been guilty of doing such. Here in part 2 we have five more ways to add to our list of how best to take a simple disagreement with your spouse and turn it into an all-out feud.
5. Broadcast the problem.Read More
Husbands and wives will not always agree with each other. There will often be differences of opinion and even differing convictions on issues that matter to one or both. Two people can be at odds with each other about what church to attend, private school versus public school, whether to spend or save money, whose parents to spend Christmas morning with, how to discipline the children, how often to have sex, the extent to which they should talk about their feelings about the relationship, and the list goes on. Over time, two people can hurt, frustrate, confuse, and anger each other, to the point where the wife is feeling unloved and the husband disrespected, contradictory to what is commanded in Ephesians 5:33.Read More
In Part 1, I introduced a topic that many within the Christian community have discussed and debated about for centuries. Who makes the final call in a marriage where both spouses are caught in a stalemate over a non-moral issue? At the end of Part 1, I encouraged you to read and meditate on Ephesians 5:23 and 1 Timothy 3:4,5,12. Did you catch what the apostle Paul was--and was not--saying there?Read More
When a husband and wife need to make a decision, should they wait for God to change the other person on the matter? What if they must make a decision by a certain time and cannot wait any longer? While there are many times when lesser decisions can be put on hold until one or both change their opinion, what about those moments when waiting is not feasible, like public versus private schooling for the kids in the fall?
A decision must be made, but how?Read More
What if a wife thinks she is respectful, but her husband says she is disrespectful? What if a husband thinks he is loving, but his wife says he isn’t loving?
What should a wife do when she sees herself holding up her end of the bargain, but he feels she’s mistaken?
What should a husband do when he sees himself as doing his part, but she feels he is misguided?Read More
Have you ever had a difficult time making a decision--either alone or with another person? In this week’s episode, Emerson and Jonathan discuss what to do when you and your spouse are in a stalemate or gridlocked on an issue. Drawing upon the Bible as well as the world of business and sports, you will be sure to find something useful in this episode about decision-making inside of marriage.Read More
As we discussed in Part 1, the Bible says, “Speak truth each one of you with his neighbor, for we are members of one another” (Ephesians 4:25). So how should you approach your spouse with the truth about something you believe they need to hear?
Always see your mate as an ally.
Feedback is of little use if you see your spouse as an enemy.Read More
The Bible says in Ephesians 4:25, “Speak truth each one of you with his neighbor, for we are members of one another.” Obviously, Paul intended the married to apply this, as well. A few verses later he talks to husbands and wives. He expected couples to heed his counsel.
So what does it mean to speak the truth to a spouse?Read More
1 Corinthians 7:28 says, “But those who marry will have trouble in this life” (NCV). In the book of Corinthians, Paul warns us of the responsibilities, involvements and, yes, the troubles that come with marriage. When I quote 1 Corinthians 7:28 at our conferences, many in the audience chuckle as if they understand perfectly what Paul is saying.
Something else tied to this idea of trouble in marriage is what I call the “80:20 ratio.” That is, around 80 percent of the time, your marriage can be categorized as good or even great, while around 20 percent of the time, you may have troubles of one kind or another.Read More