Between all husbands and wives there is a dynamic called "criticism-and-withdrawal.” For example, a wife criticizes her husband for being late again for dinner. He withdraws by going quiet and feeling miffed by what he feels is an unfair criticism since his boss demanded he stay late again.Read More
Why do we defensively react to our spouse in times when we do not feel very loved or respected by them? Because if we’re honest with ourselves, we know that we all do so at times.
Think about some of those moments.
Our spouse is upset with us for forgetting to pick up a package at the post office.
Men and women need love and respect as human beings in the workplace. Though there are daily demands to fulfill the mission of the organization apart from these emotional attitudes toward each other, that company will perform well when the men and women get on what I call the Crazy Cycle. Without love (care) a woman reacts without respect and without respect a man reacts without love (care). But added to this craziness is the tension between managers and employees. When employees feel unloved (uncared for) they react in ways that feel disrespectful to managers and when managers feel disrespected they react in ways that feel unloving (uncaring) to employees. Join Emerson and Jonathan this week as they discuss this new topic.Read More
In Part 1, I introduced a topic that many within the Christian community have discussed and debated about for centuries. Who makes the final call in a marriage where both spouses are caught in a stalemate over a non-moral issue? At the end of Part 1, I encouraged you to read and meditate on Ephesians 5:23 and 1 Timothy 3:4,5,12. Did you catch what the apostle Paul was--and was not--saying there?Read More
When a husband and wife need to make a decision, should they wait for God to change the other person on the matter? What if they must make a decision by a certain time and cannot wait any longer? While there are many times when lesser decisions can be put on hold until one or both change their opinion, what about those moments when waiting is not feasible, like public versus private schooling for the kids in the fall?
A decision must be made, but how?Read More
As I have shared in my book, Love & Respect, my wife, Sarah, and I learned that we speak different languages. While we had a good marriage, we still struggled with irritation, anger, and plenty of hurt feelings.
Often we just couldn’t communicate, but we didn’t know why. A lot of the time it seemed that indeed we were speaking different languages, but we had no idea what to do about it. It was frustrating—and embarrassing. After all, I was a pastor and should have had the answer to something like this!Read More
Strife in a family can destroy it. We know what Solomon penned, “Better is a dry morsel and quietness with it than a house full of feasting with strife” (Proverbs 17:1). For this reason, as Solomon comments, “Better is a dish of vegetables where love is than a fattened ox served with hatred” (Proverbs 15:17). God calls us to defuse strife:Read More
The Bible says in Ephesians 4:25, “Speak truth each one of you with his neighbor, for we are members of one another.” Obviously, Paul intended the married to apply this, as well. A few verses later he talks to husbands and wives. He expected couples to heed his counsel.
So what does it mean to speak the truth to a spouse?Read More
1 Corinthians 7:28 says, “But those who marry will have trouble in this life” (NCV). In the book of Corinthians, Paul warns us of the responsibilities, involvements and, yes, the troubles that come with marriage. When I quote 1 Corinthians 7:28 at our conferences, many in the audience chuckle as if they understand perfectly what Paul is saying.
Something else tied to this idea of trouble in marriage is what I call the “80:20 ratio.” That is, around 80 percent of the time, your marriage can be categorized as good or even great, while around 20 percent of the time, you may have troubles of one kind or another.Read More
Proverbs 11:27 says, “He who seeks good finds goodwill, but evil comes to him who searches for it” (NIV). I am sometimes asked what I think is the most important principle we teach. Pink and Blue (not wrong, just different) comes to mind, but so does one simple word: goodwill. When you and your spouse see each other as good-willed, good things are in store for your marriage. When they first hear the word goodwill, people have questions: Just what is goodwill? How can I know I am showing goodwill toward my spouse? How can I be sure my spouse has goodwill toward me?Read More
Based on Ephesians 5:33, I have suggested two major reactions that happen in marriages: 1. When a wife feels unloved, she tends to react in ways that feel disrespectful to her husband. 2. When a husband feels disrespected, he tends to react in ways that feel unloving to his wife. Both of these reactions ignite what I call the Crazy Cycle--without love a wife reacts without respect, and without respect a husband reacts without love.Read More
Jason and Tracy, who live in Chattanooga, Tennessee, both felt the pressure to get out of $15,000 credit card debt - a debt that had them in a chokehold. THEY DECIDE TO BUDGET
Learning of Dave Ramsey’s brilliant and simple system to take baby steps to get out of debt, they decided five months ago to budget.
Their goal: pay off the debt from the credit cards and then visit Dave Ramsey’s headquarters in Nashville to cut up all credit cards in a glorious celebration, joining the tens of thousands before them.Read More
He Viewed His Wife as Controlling and Nit-Picking. Your book, Love & Respect, became the glue to hold together all that God has been trying to teach me during our first 17 years of marriage. As a result of reading your book, a light bulb went on in my head and I realized that I have been viewing my wife as controlling, nit-picking and unforgiving. As a matter of fact, I used to think that if she would just listen to me and try to understand what I am saying, everything would be OKAY. He Stood His Ground Against HerRead More
I do not believe in marital bliss 24/7 despite the pictures on social media to the contrary. As a marriage expert is my disbelief rooted in a cynicism about marital happiness?
Not at all. I believe in marital happiness, I just don’t believe such happiness happens 24/7.
What I do believe is that those who are the happiest in their marriages agree with me. The key to marital happiness is accepting a degree of marital unhappiness.Read More
Have you heard comments like this from your wife? - Remember your son’s music recital this Thursday. Please do not miss this one like you did the last one. - My sister is coming for dinner tonight. Can you please act more interested than you usually do when she’s around? Ask her how she is feeling in her new relationship with Sam. - Call your mother this week and talk with her longer than you did the last time. She said you only chatted for about five minutes.Read More
The findings are in. Love and Respect is the key to a successful marriage! Research reveals that during marital conflict a husband most often reacts when feeling disrespected and a wife reacts when feeling unloved. We asked 7,000 people this question: When you are in conflict with your spouse or significant other, do you feel unloved or disrespected? 83% of the men said “disrespected.” 72% of the women said “unloved.”Read More