Posts tagged Conflict
Divorce Is Not the Remedy - Decode The Misunderstandings!

On our wedding day, we stand before our family and friends and our loving Lord and commit to each other with a vow that most likely goes something like: “to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, until death do us part.” Hopefully, nobody else will say what this fellow said at the altar, “If you cannot be with the one you love, love the one you are with.” As he later commented, “That was probably not a great way to start off my wedding vows.”

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Not Wrong, Just Different and Valuable!

During the two decades I’ve spent teaching the Love and Respect message, based on Ephesians 5:33, the feedback and responses I’ve received from readers, conference attendees, and small group participants has ranged from eye-popping, marriage-saving revelations to “I agree for the most part, but you don’t know my situation” to downright rejection of God’s instructions to the married couple. Though the responses vary, the one constant remains: God’s Word commands the husband to love his wife unconditionally and the wife to respect her husband.

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Your Spouse’s Weaknesses Call for Your Sympathy, Not Your Condemnation

Does weakness equal unrighteousness? More specifically, though your spouse may disappoint you by failing to be the person you want or need them to be—revealing their weakness—does that mean they are actually sinning against you—revealing morally objectionable behavior?

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What Is Your Secret to Avoiding the Criticism-and-Withdrawal Pattern That Starts Up So Many Crazy Cycles?

Between all husbands and wives there is a dynamic called "criticism-and-withdrawal.” For example, a wife criticizes her husband for being late again for dinner. He withdraws by going quiet and feeling miffed by what he feels is an unfair criticism since his boss demanded he stay late again.

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Your Selfishness as a Spouse Has a Three-Fold Negative Effect

No reasonable parent would defend a selfish child who is refusing to share any of his toys with his siblings. Similarly, few are the people who would not be bothered by a selfish business owner who was not wanting to share any of the company’s abundant profits with the hardworking employees who made it all possible. In almost any situation, selfishness is not something people will stand for.

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Is Your Wife Disagreeing with You Because She Rejects Your Spiritual Leadership?

Most wives I have met actually do long for their husbands to be the spiritual leader of their family. They are not resisting his leadership; they truly do believe it's biblical. However, they fear that he will not take their opinions into consideration.

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Why Is Our Initial Reaction to Our Spouse Hurting Us Usually Defensive?

Why do we defensively react to our spouse in times when we do not feel very loved or respected by them? Because if we’re honest with ourselves, we know that we all do so at times.
Think about some of those moments.
Our spouse is upset with us for forgetting to pick up a package at the post office.

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Should a Spouse Aim for Being “Reasonably Happy” in a Marriage?

By far, one of the most rewarding aspects of being a part of Love and Respect is hearing from others about their relationships. Whether it is in person, at a conference or in an e-mail exchange, it is always a blessing to learn how others are trying to strengthen their marriage and work through tough issues that unfortunately many in this world simply allow to divide them further from their spouse.

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Which Statements Will We Believe?

Walk into any football stadium or sports bar on game day and you will find a sea of fans decked out in matching gear excited to cheer on their team that they have loved since birth. As long as their team is getting the first downs and touchdowns, these fans are ecstatic in their show of support.

But when things don’t go so well with their team . . . well, from the sound of their groans and the choice words coming from their mouths describing their so-called favorite teams, you may have a hard time believing that they love their team like they do. But in fact, no matter how bad it may get this week, they’ll be right back next week cheering them on again.

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How Have You and Your Spouse Achieved Win-Win in Your Sexual Intimacy? (Part 1)

In the near future, I will be going deeper on the topic of sex in marriage for all of our Love and Respect friends. The title? Love and Respect (and Sex): Coming Together as Husband and Wife.
Interested in learning more? Would you like to add your stories to the content? Read on, and I’ll show you how.

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His Need for Sexual Intimacy—Not Wrong, Just Different

If there were ever an issue that isn’t really the issue, it is sex. But boy can it become an issue, can’t it? And yet, it’s rarely, if ever, the issue. Allow me to explain. Sex is a shared act, between husband and wife, as an expression of love to each other. God created sex not only as the means for multiplication but as a gift of pleasure to enjoy within the boundaries of marriage. Sex was meant to be a wonderful experience for both husband and wife.

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His Responsibility Scale and Her Relationship Scale

A wife emails, "We began to have our usual discussion about his mom when the subject of priorities came up. This time it was linked to how each of us prioritized life. In short, he prioritizes on a scale of several things: task at hand, commitments, immediacy or emergency, etc. I prioritize based on relationships: a pecking order or hierarchy. This seemed odd to him, as his way seemed odd to me. But the more we talked, the more I thought this might be an instance of "pink" versus "blue"—neither one is wrong, just different.”

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Are You Not In Love with Your Husband or Have You Stopped Loving God?

There’s a stand-out moment in the Old Testament story of Job that almost definitely has caught the eye of every married person who has read it. In Job 2:9, Job’s wife tells him to “Curse God and die.” Curse God and die? What awful thing had Job done to her? Infidelity? Physical abuse? Verbal assault?

No. None of these or anything else like it. Her condemning anger toward her husband was in response to all the horrific things that God had allowed Satan to do to their family—including loss of children, destruction of property, and excruciating boils covering her husband from head to toe.

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Whatever Happened, You Can Still Move Forward as a Love and Respect Team

Have you ever meditated on 1 Corinthians 7:11, which says, ". . . (but if she does leave, she must remain unmarried, or else be reconciled to her husband), and that the husband should not divorce his wife"? What's the backstory to this verse? Paul does not mention adultery or abandonment in this text—the two traditional justifications for biblical divorce—so it is safe to infer that biblical grounds for divorce are not in play here. He simply says that the husband is not to divorce and the wife should not marry someone else in the event that she leaves her husband.

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