Posts tagged Children
How One Mother’s Respect-Talk Found the Hero in Her Son

In my book Mother & Son: The Respect Effect, I share the need for not only your husband to feel and hear your respect, but your son as well, no matter his age. Even your preschooler has a “man inside the boy” who naturally responds to words of respect, as little Samuel’s mother learned and applied in her relationship with her son. Read about her experience with using Respect-Talk and ask yourself how you might begin applying the same with your son:

Dear Dr. Emerson,

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As a Mom, What Do I Do When I Feel Tired and Hurt?

You give, give, and give. But the Bible provides a warning: “Let us not lose heart in doing good, for in due time we will reap if we do not grow weary” (Galatians 6:9). A mother who does good toward her son day after day can grow weary and lose heart when she does not observe any fruitful reaping.

When her boy does not listen and willfully disobeys, he can wear her out on any given day.

When exhausted, she can let down her guard. She can let go of controlling her emotions. On top of this, if she is feeling horrible about herself, who cares? She lets it rip against her boy.

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How To Effectively Discipline: Teaching Moments and Follow Through

The two boys, ages ten and thirteen, could not stand the wait. The next night they would attend the Detroit Pistons basketball game. Their dad had purchased five tickets on the second row at a fund-raising auction. He and his wife, along with his best friend, would accompany the two boys. In the meantime, the father had requested the boys do several chores the last couple of days, which they had neglected so far. As the boys laid out their Pistons jerseys to wear the next night, the dad reminded them of the three tasks they needed to do. “Yes, Dad, we will do it,” both chimed in.

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Parenting God's Way, Part 1 -- Love and Respect Podcast Ep. 067

Hear Emerson speak on the topic of parenting this week.  A powerful two part sermon on why we parent God's way, this topic will be enlightening and freeing to many people.  Whether a parent in crisis, a parent who has it all together right now, a parent with grown children, or someone who is not even a parent yet, this will impact you.

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Do You Get at the Heart of the Matter When Disciplining Your Child?

1 Kings 1:6 reads, "His father had never crossed him at any time by asking, 'Why have you done so?'" A father took away his 16 year old son’s driving privileges for one month for reckless driving.  I asked the dad, “During that month, was your son remorseful and humble?” The dad said, “No. He showed me nothing but anger and disrespect. I didn’t let him drive but he made my life miserable.” The discipline did not fully work because the son’s heart did not change.

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Does a Failing Marriage Hinder One From Having Godly Children?

A mother wrote, "My daughter called and was complaining about her life. I suggested that she needed to look to God for answers. She let me know that she has lost a lot of her faith because of how she has viewed [her dad’s and my] marriage relationship. . . . It grieves me to see how [our marriage] affects our daughters and their relationships because of what they have lived and learned."

A husband shared with me: “I put awful pain in my wife’s heart and never realized what might have been at the core. My actions, my thoughts, and my behaviors are at the core of my problems. Your book, Love and Respect, has opened my eyes. Painfully, our children have suffered from our lack of love and respect."

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One Simple Way to Encourage A Discouraged Child

I entered military school at age 13. But in the first several weeks I became very homesick and wanted to quit. My mom called the commandant for wisdom. Both knew homesickness was common but mom didn’t know what to say.

Colonel Bailey said he’d personally meet with me to encourage me.

How did he encourage me? He told me I was normal and this would soon pass.

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How Should A Sister Treat Her Brother?

Does our culture really understand boys? Generally speaking, the mindset is all about teaching boys how to treat girls. A mother writes,

"Two of my children are attending an essay class. Last week they were told to write an essay entitled, ‘How Should a Gentleman Treat a Lady?’ or ‘How Should a Lady Treat a Gentleman?’ Everyone chose the first option. My daughter, without being prompted, offered an explanation, ‘There is more material available to answer the first question!’”

Because girls exercise greater sensitivity and empathy, the thinking is to stay on boys to teach them to be sensitive and empathetic.

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When Parenting: The Punishment Must Fit The Crime, Part 2 - Love and Respect Podcast Ep. 056

Emerson and Jonathan continue the discussion of discipline when parenting in part 2 of this series. In this episode, the unintentionally bad but morally reckless child and the intentionally bad and morally rebellious child are discussed. Through looking at intent and discussing never disciplining above or below the "crime," two difficult categories of discipline are examined.

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Parents: The Punishment Must Fit The Crime, Part 2

In our last blog post, we discussed the how to respond to a child who is socially thoughtless and rude. We also looked at the importance of discerning a child’s intent before enacting discipline. But behind social rules, what about moral laws? What about reckless and even rebellious behavior that seriously hurts people? How is a parent to respond to these?

With regard to moral laws, there are unintentional responses and intentional reactions. In both instances the children do something that is innately wrong. They can be reckless and rebellious.

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Parents: The Punishment Must Fit The Crime, Part 1

When disciplining our kids, we can learn something from the court system. The punishment must fit the crime. In the court of law, there are 3 levels of criminal behavior: Infraction: something like a parking ticket, a speeding ticket, or making too much noise. We don’t send a person to the electric chair for parking in a handicap spot.

  • Misdemeanor: disorderly conduct, reckless driving, or marijuana possession. We don’t send a person to prison for life for reckless driving.

  • Felony: the most serious crime, like murder, rape, or sexual abuse of a minor. We don’t fine a murderer $1000 and let him go free.

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What Does It Mean To Have Positive Regard Toward My Child? [Video]

We all know that a dad ought to love his daughter unconditionally. All would define love as unconditional. Love with “conditions” is not love at all. But what about respect toward a teenage boy? Should mom show unconditional respect?

Many in the culture argue that a boy (or anyone) must earn respect. He must be respectable to be respected. To put it this way, if mom respects her disobedient boy, she will be respecting bad behavior and giving him license to disobey even more. Instead, she must give no such respect!

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What Does It Mean For A Mom To Show Respect To Her Son? [Video]

A mom expresses,

“I live with a house full of male testosterone. We even had a male dog! I am having conflict with my 11 year old and it is driving me nuts. How do I show my boys that I can see through blue glasses and blue hearing aids? As you might be able to hear, I am trying to figure out this respect thing and am finding it kinda difficult. Getting a handle on this is something I want to do, but I am not sure how. I even had to look up the word respect to see what it really meant. I am in prayer about this.”

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What is Your Motivation Behind Your Disrespect?

A wife wrote to me with her objections saying, “Dr. E., because I care, I get disrespectful. My husband won't listen to me otherwise. My love is behind my disrespect.” However, I will argue that it is impossible for a wife's love to be the motivating factor behind her disrespectful treatment of her husband.

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When Parenting: The Punishment Must Fit The Crime, Part 1 -- Love and Respect Podcast Ep. 052

When disciplining our kids, we can learn something from the court system. The punishment must fit the crime. In Part 1 of a two-part series, Emerson and Jonathan look at how society handles punishment and how parents can use similar ideas in approaching and dealing with their children--not to punish or be punitive in parenting, but to correct in love.

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How To Succeed As A Father: Today Is A New Day!

"Success is not final, failure is not fatal. It is the courage to continue that counts.” --Winston Churchill (1874-1965), Former Prime Minister of the United Kingdom Such words take on profound meaning in times of life and death, as they did in the days of World War II. There are lesser battles, yet very real, and there is a battle every parent encounters that tests the heart. Sarah and I can recall many moments when we felt like failures as parents. Looking back on it now, we realize that the failures of the day were not fatal and the successes of tomorrow were not final! We had a decision to make. Would we let defeat defeat us as parents?

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Teach Your Kids the Family Crazy Cycle!

The Family Crazy Cycle states the following: without love a child reacts without respect, and without respect a parent reacts without love. This cycle triggers itself on and on and on...One way to reduce the spinning is to teach your kids about it. Kids can learn. Draw a circle and write,

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