Posts tagged Anger
Depriving Her of C.O.U.P.L.E.—Six Ways to Disconnect with Your Wife

In Love and Respect, Emerson Eggerichs highlights how to spell love to a wife, using the acronym C.O.U.P.L.E. When a goodwilled wife appears negative and offensive toward her husband, she is simply crying out for: Closeness, Openness, Understanding, Peacemaking, Loyalty, and Esteem. When her husband responds toward her with C.O.U.P.L.E., instead of withdrawing and stonewalling during conflict as is his male nature, it will energize his wife and she will respond with respect.

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Which Statements Will We Believe?

Walk into any football stadium or sports bar on game day and you will find a sea of fans decked out in matching gear excited to cheer on their team that they have loved since birth. As long as their team is getting the first downs and touchdowns, these fans are ecstatic in their show of support.

But when things don’t go so well with their team . . . well, from the sound of their groans and the choice words coming from their mouths describing their so-called favorite teams, you may have a hard time believing that they love their team like they do. But in fact, no matter how bad it may get this week, they’ll be right back next week cheering them on again.

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Righteous Indignation or Something Else?

When we become angry toward someone because of their unjust or unworthy manner of acting or speaking, we are letting them know they cannot treat us or others this way. We feel righteously indignant, which is more than okay. Jesus, in fact, became righteously indignant toward the money changers who were attempting to profit off of those coming to worship at the temple (Matthew 21:12–13).

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You Are Not Predestined to Argue the Same Way Your Parents Did

A teenage boy was feeling sorry for himself, feeling as though his mother didn't love him. He said to her, "If you don't love me, why'd you have me?" The mother shot back, "Well, we didn't know it was going to be you." All of us came into this world by way of two parents. There are no exceptions to this. Regardless, there are no perfect parents. In fact, there was once a convention held for adult children of normal parents. No one attended.

Because we have imperfect parents, not only do we have to deal with their issues but we also inherit many of them.

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Why Are Believers Mad At God? Part 2 -- Love and Respect Podcast Ep. 098

Join Emerson and Jonathan in Part 2 of this series as they examine four reasons someone might hate or be mad at God: Cursing when suffering, Hostile when disobeying, Hating when proven guilty, Raging when foolish. Does the Bible teach that people who claim to believe in God can hate God? Jesus said, “He who hates Me hates My Father also” (John 15:23). So according to Jesus, yes, people can hate God the Father. And for those of us who believe Jesus is God’s Son, people can hate the Son of God. The apostle Paul tells us that there will be “haters of God” (Romans 1:30). People who believe in God can hate God. You cannot hate someone you do not believe exists.

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Why Do Good Willed Wives Feel Frustrated? Part 3

This series was also posted as a podcast. Stay tuned for next week, when we will answer the question “Why do good husbands feel frustrated?”

In part 1 of this series, we introduced the idea of the despotic husband who recognizes that his vulnerable and sensitive wife typically acquiesces to his bully tactics. In part 2, we put a name to those tactics.

Today, we will appeal to the husband to evaluate himself as a man of honor and cease his bullying tactics.

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Why Do Good Willed Wives Feel Frustrated? Part 2

This series was also posted as a podcast. Stay tuned for next week, when we will answer the question “Why do good husbands feel frustrated?”

In part 1, we introduced the idea of the despotic husband who recognizes that his vulnerable and sensitive wife typically acquiesces to his bully tactics. But now we want to put a name to these tactics of his in hopes that he will recognize the bully in him and that this is not how a loving husband triggers respectful feelings in his wife.

1. The Self-Justifying Blamer

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My Wife Is Leaving Me

This post was also published as a podcast a couple of weeks ago. Check it out HEREWhy does it take the crisis of a wife leaving before a husband awakens to the bad behaviors that caused her to exit? Listen to Greg’s awakening and confession. My wife and I have been separated for 4 months now. I changed into a horrible man after we became married and did not handle many things right. I said many horrible and hurtful things to her and broke her heart. . . . The day she left, I found God. . . . He touched my heart and took my anger, frustration away. I have been working on me ever since to become a better man, better than I was even when we fell in love. She filed for divorce a month ago. I cannot sign the papers. . . . I really need my family back, my marriage and my wife's love again. He humbly confesses the horrible and hurtful things he did to break her heart.

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Why Do Some People Hang Onto Bitterness? [Video]

Why do some people hang onto bitterness? They think that to forgive means letting the other person off the hook. To forgive means they must remove all consequences from the other person.

That, of course, is mistaken thinking.

For example, one can have a forgiving spirit while bringing the full weight of the law to bear against the other person.

Let's take an extreme example. A mother can have a forgiving spirit toward her son who robbed a bank to get money for his drug addiction. Her forgiving spirit does not prohibit her from contacting the police to inform them of what he did.

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What is Your Motivation Behind Your Disrespect?

A wife wrote to me with her objections saying, “Dr. E., because I care, I get disrespectful. My husband won't listen to me otherwise. My love is behind my disrespect.” However, I will argue that it is impossible for a wife's love to be the motivating factor behind her disrespectful treatment of her husband.

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Men: Can We Be Conscious of Unconscious Mistakes? (Part 2)

Many husbands and fathers have written to me saying, in effect: "Many times I have no idea that I am coming across unlovingly to my wife and daughter. As a man, I learned that I have a tendency to be harsh and angry and communicate with "a look" that can kill or have a tone that slices their hearts when I am tired and frustrated. When I do this, it makes sense to me why my wife and daughter get so hurt and dramatic, and then want to talk to me about how they felt so unloved.

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How To Succeed As A Father: Today Is A New Day!

"Success is not final, failure is not fatal. It is the courage to continue that counts.” --Winston Churchill (1874-1965), Former Prime Minister of the United Kingdom Such words take on profound meaning in times of life and death, as they did in the days of World War II. There are lesser battles, yet very real, and there is a battle every parent encounters that tests the heart. Sarah and I can recall many moments when we felt like failures as parents. Looking back on it now, we realize that the failures of the day were not fatal and the successes of tomorrow were not final! We had a decision to make. Would we let defeat defeat us as parents?

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What Is The Issue With a Grumpy Husband? -- Love and Respect Podcast Ep. 046

Emerson and Jonathan begin a discussion about grumpiness and husbands. However, looking at the issue from both perspectives, Emerson challenges husbands and wives on an issue that is present in many homes. Renew your hope and be encouraged in that we do not need to stay where we are; we can make changes.

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Do You Defuse Conflict Before It Gets Out of Control?

Strife in a family can destroy it. We know what Solomon penned, “Better is a dry morsel and quietness with it than a house full of feasting with strife” (Proverbs 17:1). For this reason, as Solomon comments, “Better is a dish of vegetables where love is than a fattened ox served with hatred” (Proverbs 15:17). God calls us to defuse strife:

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Is There An Upside To Erupting In Anger?

A friend of mine told me about an episode that happened to him years ago at a business retreat. At the time, it was common to gather employees into small groups for the purpose of “telling it like it is.” Though the fad soon passed, for one man the encounter proved to be life-changing. A dozen small groups huddled in different parts around the convention center. My friend was sitting in a group of 10 other people when suddenly the double doors into their room were kicked open by one of their fellow employees. He burst into the room, and in shock, all eyes were fixed on him. His face was flushed red with anger, his fists were clenched, and from his 6-foot, 4-inch, 280-pound frame, he shouted, “Those guys over there say I have a problem with anger.”

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Parents: Do You React Or Respond?

Most of us have read about the family of Isaac and Rebekah. Their crazy drama unfolds in Genesis 24-28 as they seek to parent their sons, Jacob and Esau. Why the madness?

The mother, Rebekah, favored her younger son, Jacob, above her older son, Esau. This favor played itself out through Rebekah deceiving her husband into giving the Jewish blessing to their younger son, instead of the older. The subsequent calamity in the family resulting from her favoritism (without suggesting that Isaac favored Esau) continued for years.

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Is There An Upside To Erupting In Anger? -- Love and Respect Podcast Ep. 037

How angry can we get and for what reasons? In this week’s episode, Emerson and Jonathan discuss the consequences of anger within relationships, both inside and outside of the home. Anger is a part of being human, but when used in eruptive ways, it can be very damaging. It can affect the inward, the outward, and the upward. Listen to learn what this means.

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