Posts tagged Affair
What To Do When He Says He "Isn't In Love"

A wife wrote me: “HELP!!!!! What happens when he tells you he’s not in love with you due to all the fighting and arguing? I’ve been doing the Love and Respect challenge, but he says it will not work for him since there is no love. Emerson, can this work?”

My Reply

Not knowing your situation, I cannot reply with wisdom. I can say, “Yes, Ephesians 5:33 does work, but not with people who do not wish to receive the love and respect we give to them.”

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What To Do When Your Husband Is Having an Affair, Part 2

In part 1, we shared 1 Peter 3:1–2 and Peter’s command to a wife to remain respectful to her disobedient husband. The first major reason to do this is because by doing so they will find favor in the eyes of God. But there is a second major reason to put on unconditional respect. In doing so, a wife imitates Jesus Christ.

As a wife stops her disrespectful behavior and starts respectful behavior, she is following the example of Jesus who entrusted Himself to God who judges the wrongdoing of others.

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What To Do When Your Husband Is Having an Affair

A woman wrote to me: "My husband has expressed that he does not love me and now is involved with another woman. I have read your book and have applied many things concerning this respect message. For instance, my husband even saved the ‘respect’ letters that I wrote to him. Any suggestions on how long I keep saying this or what else I can do to help him realize that our marriage is worth saving? Right now with him it seems to be hot one day and cold the next. Please help."

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Do Some Husbands Live By A Double Standard And Is That Ok Because They Can't Help It? Part II -- Love and Respect Podcast Ep. 108

In Part II this week Emerson and Jonathan continue the discussion about some husbands habitually looking at other women and having a double standard. Knowing this double standard exists, what should a husband and wife now do about his looking at other women? Emerson and Jonathan attempt to answer this question.

Listen to Part 1 HERE.

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The Double Standard of Some Husbands, Part 1

Do husbands have a double standard? May I invite you to consider one that I have observed? Some wives hear from their husbands, “I can look at women because God designed me to look at the female figure, but you must not look at men.” I am not talking about viewing pornography. That is a different matter. Instead, I am referring to the husband who habitually looks at women around him. At a restaurant he looks at the shapely waitresses as they walk by. At the mall, he checks out the women walking by him as he sits at the bench waiting for his wife. At church, he looks over at the two beautiful blonds talking by the stain-glassed windows.

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What Is the Moral of the Classic Film Casablanca?

In the late 1930s, Richard Blaine (played by Humphrey Bogart) falls in love with a beautiful and wonderful woman, Ilsa Lund (Ingrid Bergman ). Ilsa, whose husband had died in a concentration camp, opens her heart to Richard. But their mutual love cannot blossom in Paris where they reside. The Nazis are only a day away from marching into the city of love.

Since both must flee France, they plan to meet the next day at the railroad station. When the morrow comes, Richard waits for Ilsa at the train. But she never arrives. Instead, he receives a handwritten note from her telling him that she loves him but they must never see each other again.

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After an Affair, Is Ongoing Contact with the Other Person Okay?

Emerson, Several months ago, my wife and I had separated. She was involved with someone and had told me it was over, she didn't love me. After a month apart, we were able to get back together. She told him she loved me and that we were going to make our marriage work. The person she became involved with was a co-worker from a job she no longer has, but he has contacted her from time to time for talks.

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After An Affair Is Ongoing Contact With the Other Person Ok? -- Love and Respect Podcast Ep. 081

Over the years Emerson has received hundred of emails regarding affairs, often from the betrayed spouse asking what they should do. Both Emerson and Jonathan have also listened to countless stories of infidelity as they counsel individuals and couples.  Join them this week as they explore a response Emerson wrote to a man who wondered if he was handling things correctly following an affair. This message is applicable for husband and wife, both the betrayed and the betrayer.

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A Wife Won Her Husband: His Testimony

I wish to sing the praises of the wife described below by her husband, who e-mailed me to share how she won him back to herself and to God’s truth on the heels of his sin.

Dear Dr. Eggerichs,

Thank you for writing Love and Respect—the book has been a blessing and reading it has been a life-changing event for me.

I'm 36, my wife is 35. We have two children. I am an engineer by degree and work in management. We've always been fortunate enough for our finances to allow my wife to stay home with the kids.

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How a Wife Won Her Husband - His Testimony -- Love and Respect Podcast Ep. 060

Through the testimony of a husband who engaged in online affairs, Emerson and Jonathan discuss and respond to his report that his wife facilitated the reconciliation through her words and behavior. He said, "She showed me respect when I did not deserve it."

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Is It Time to Split Up?—Part 1

Jesus says, "For this cause shall a man leave father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife: and the twain shall be one flesh? Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder" (Matthew 19:5–6 KJV).

WHO IS THE “MAN”?

I have read that verse countless times over the years but not until after many readings did I see something I never saw!

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Three Ways To Murder Your Marriage, Part 3

In Part 1 and Part 2 of this 3-part series, we’ve been talking about the three ways to kill a marriage. If you haven’t read up on those posts, I would encourage you to do so before moving on to the conclusion below. So, what are the three ways to murder a marriage?

1. Possess a self-serving motive that you disguise from everyone (except your lover, if you have one).

Make the case against your spouse as the one having impure motives, while you take the stand in your own favor that you have nothing but goodwill and a desire for God’s will.

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Three Ways to Murder Your Marriage, Part 1 [Video]

In the BBC television series set on the Caribbean island of St. Marie, Death in Paradise, the lead character, Chief Inspector Richard Poole, brilliantly cracks mystery murders. With his aspiring, ragtag team of investigators, he pursues three evidences pointing toward the guilty party: motive, means, and opportunity. In the whodunit types, sex and money are usually the motive, though jealousy and revenge swirl about. However, any number of reasons can serve as a person’s motive to kill.

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Do You Throw The First Stone? [Video]

A wife wrote to me saying, "I'm trusting God to heal and restore my marriage and my family. I hurt them deeply. I've known my husband for over 32 years, been married nearly 24 years…

“I cheated and lied about my adultery…My husband sought after counseling for us in the clinical world and then through our church. I was consumed with guilt and shame during counseling and I didn't trust God to help us. I knew he would be devastated, so I lied.  

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They Say, "My Situation Is Complex, Beyond Love and Respect" [Video]

What should we say to the person who dismisses the Love and Respect approach to relationships by declaring their situation is too complex and the message is too simple? First, seek to agree with the reality of difficult times. The Bible says in 2 Timothy 3:1-5,

"But realize this, that in the last days difficult times will come. For men will be lovers of self, lovers of money, boastful, arrogant, revilers, disobedient to parents, ungrateful, unholy, unloving, irreconcilable, malicious gossips, without self-control, brutal, haters of good, treacherous, reckless, conceited, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God, holding to a form of godliness, although they have denied its power."

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Is Your Wife Really Finished With Your Marriage? Part 2

Yesterday, I shared with you the first part in a series of emails between a soldier and me. If you haven’t already, please read Part 1 and then continue with the rest of the story below.

After the solder wrote to me a second time, in which he shared more details about his marriage and where he thought things were headed, I replied with the following:

Thank you for sharing.

If your wife is open, I would love hearing from her and her explanation.

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Is Your Wife Really Finished With Your Marriage? Part 1

To every husband who hears his wife say, “I am finished with this marriage,” do not take her words at face value. Even if she expresses herself sincerely at the moment, those sentiments can change rapidly given you understand how to apply the power of love to her heart. The first step is to stop talking. Try to really listen to her heart. The foundational question for a wife is, "Do you really hear me, understand me, accept me and love me?"

If you cannot achieve this on your own, invite her into a setting with a pastor or Christian counselor who will help you listen to what she is saying.

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How Unconditional Respect Transformed Her Marriage

Have you read this blog post about how a moment of unconditional love transformed this man’s marriage? When we talk about a wife’s unconditional respect what exactly does that look like? How does a wife respect a husband who misunderstands her heart, pulls away emotionally, thinks she wants to end the marriage, and gets caught having an affair?

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