Posts tagged Adultery
Whatever Happened, You Can Still Move Forward as a Love and Respect Team

Have you ever meditated on 1 Corinthians 7:11, which says, ". . . (but if she does leave, she must remain unmarried, or else be reconciled to her husband), and that the husband should not divorce his wife"? What's the backstory to this verse? Paul does not mention adultery or abandonment in this text—the two traditional justifications for biblical divorce—so it is safe to infer that biblical grounds for divorce are not in play here. He simply says that the husband is not to divorce and the wife should not marry someone else in the event that she leaves her husband.

Read More
What To Do When He Says He "Isn't In Love"

A wife wrote me: “HELP!!!!! What happens when he tells you he’s not in love with you due to all the fighting and arguing? I’ve been doing the Love and Respect challenge, but he says it will not work for him since there is no love. Emerson, can this work?”

My Reply

Not knowing your situation, I cannot reply with wisdom. I can say, “Yes, Ephesians 5:33 does work, but not with people who do not wish to receive the love and respect we give to them.”

Read More
What To Do When Your Husband Is Having an Affair, Part 2

In part 1, we shared 1 Peter 3:1–2 and Peter’s command to a wife to remain respectful to her disobedient husband. The first major reason to do this is because by doing so they will find favor in the eyes of God. But there is a second major reason to put on unconditional respect. In doing so, a wife imitates Jesus Christ.

As a wife stops her disrespectful behavior and starts respectful behavior, she is following the example of Jesus who entrusted Himself to God who judges the wrongdoing of others.

Read More
What To Do When Your Husband Is Having an Affair

A woman wrote to me: "My husband has expressed that he does not love me and now is involved with another woman. I have read your book and have applied many things concerning this respect message. For instance, my husband even saved the ‘respect’ letters that I wrote to him. Any suggestions on how long I keep saying this or what else I can do to help him realize that our marriage is worth saving? Right now with him it seems to be hot one day and cold the next. Please help."

Read More
Do Some Husbands Live By A Double Standard And Is That Ok Because They Can't Help It? Part II -- Love and Respect Podcast Ep. 108

In Part II this week Emerson and Jonathan continue the discussion about some husbands habitually looking at other women and having a double standard. Knowing this double standard exists, what should a husband and wife now do about his looking at other women? Emerson and Jonathan attempt to answer this question.

Listen to Part 1 HERE.

Read More
The Double Standard of Some Husbands, Part 1

Do husbands have a double standard? May I invite you to consider one that I have observed? Some wives hear from their husbands, “I can look at women because God designed me to look at the female figure, but you must not look at men.” I am not talking about viewing pornography. That is a different matter. Instead, I am referring to the husband who habitually looks at women around him. At a restaurant he looks at the shapely waitresses as they walk by. At the mall, he checks out the women walking by him as he sits at the bench waiting for his wife. At church, he looks over at the two beautiful blonds talking by the stain-glassed windows.

Read More
What Did You Do To Come Through Your Marital Crisis? -- Love and Respect Podcast Ep. 095

Are you in or have you come through a marital crisis? You could be the innocent victim with a wounded heart who experienced shock or the remorseful offender with a contrite heart who experienced shame. There could have been any number of reasons for the crisis. Typically, though, a crisis falls under one or more of what Emerson refers to as the six A’s: adultery, abandonment, abuse, addiction, adversity, and apathy. Your situation may involve something outside of those, but join Emerson and Jonathan this week as they discuss this topic and email Emerson regarding how you are making it through or made it through the crisis at story@loveandrespect.com, including if you are listening to this months or years after it was posted. There is an attached document in the show notes available for download to guide your thinking and email.

Read More
What Did You Do to Come Through Your Marital Crisis?

Have you come through a marital crisis? I’d love to hear your story. You could be the innocent victim with a wounded heart who experienced shock or the remorseful offender with a contrite heart who experienced shame. But before you e-mail me at story@loveandrespect.com, perhaps you could answer some questions that would spark your memory.

The Six A's

Let me say upfront that there could have been any number of reasons for the crisis.

Read More
What Is the Moral of the Classic Film Casablanca?

In the late 1930s, Richard Blaine (played by Humphrey Bogart) falls in love with a beautiful and wonderful woman, Ilsa Lund (Ingrid Bergman ). Ilsa, whose husband had died in a concentration camp, opens her heart to Richard. But their mutual love cannot blossom in Paris where they reside. The Nazis are only a day away from marching into the city of love.

Since both must flee France, they plan to meet the next day at the railroad station. When the morrow comes, Richard waits for Ilsa at the train. But she never arrives. Instead, he receives a handwritten note from her telling him that she loves him but they must never see each other again.

Read More
After an Affair, Is Ongoing Contact with the Other Person Okay?

Emerson, Several months ago, my wife and I had separated. She was involved with someone and had told me it was over, she didn't love me. After a month apart, we were able to get back together. She told him she loved me and that we were going to make our marriage work. The person she became involved with was a co-worker from a job she no longer has, but he has contacted her from time to time for talks.

Read More
What Evil Looks Like

A husband writes, “I am sure, like most authors and conference promoters, you are going to present your success stories and downplay (if you present them at all) the failures. However, I would like to hear from some who have tried and failed at your approach.  

Maybe we can learn as much from them as the successes. What I feel concerns me the most so far is reading the repeated (and oft repeated) assumption that "your spouse is a person of basic good will".

Read More
After An Affair Is Ongoing Contact With the Other Person Ok? -- Love and Respect Podcast Ep. 081

Over the years Emerson has received hundred of emails regarding affairs, often from the betrayed spouse asking what they should do. Both Emerson and Jonathan have also listened to countless stories of infidelity as they counsel individuals and couples.  Join them this week as they explore a response Emerson wrote to a man who wondered if he was handling things correctly following an affair. This message is applicable for husband and wife, both the betrayed and the betrayer.

Read More
Why The Lies in Marriage?

Please read the pain expressed by the spouses below. I give six examples of the hurt the innocent party feels when discovering their husband or wife lies to them: three examples from wives and three from husbands. Please select one or two of the examples to give brief answers to the two questions that I ask after each example. There is no right or wrong answer; I just want to hear your opinion.

“He lies"

EXAMPLE A

Read More
Why The Deception In Marriage? -- Love and Respect Podcast Ep. 070

In this episode, Emerson and Jonathan discuss six examples of the hurt the innocent party feels when discovering their husband or wife lies to them: three examples from wives and three from husbands. Reasons for the lying occurring and what should have been done are discussed. Listeners are encouraged to come up with their own answers, apply to their own relationships and share with others.

Read More
A Wife Won Her Husband: His Testimony

I wish to sing the praises of the wife described below by her husband, who e-mailed me to share how she won him back to herself and to God’s truth on the heels of his sin.

Dear Dr. Eggerichs,

Thank you for writing Love and Respect—the book has been a blessing and reading it has been a life-changing event for me.

I'm 36, my wife is 35. We have two children. I am an engineer by degree and work in management. We've always been fortunate enough for our finances to allow my wife to stay home with the kids.

Read More
How a Wife Won Her Husband - His Testimony -- Love and Respect Podcast Ep. 060

Through the testimony of a husband who engaged in online affairs, Emerson and Jonathan discuss and respond to his report that his wife facilitated the reconciliation through her words and behavior. He said, "She showed me respect when I did not deserve it."

Read More
Is It Time to Split Up?—Part 1

Jesus says, "For this cause shall a man leave father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife: and the twain shall be one flesh? Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder" (Matthew 19:5–6 KJV).

WHO IS THE “MAN”?

I have read that verse countless times over the years but not until after many readings did I see something I never saw!

Read More
Three Ways To Murder Your Marriage, Part 3

In Part 1 and Part 2 of this 3-part series, we’ve been talking about the three ways to kill a marriage. If you haven’t read up on those posts, I would encourage you to do so before moving on to the conclusion below. So, what are the three ways to murder a marriage?

1. Possess a self-serving motive that you disguise from everyone (except your lover, if you have one).

Make the case against your spouse as the one having impure motives, while you take the stand in your own favor that you have nothing but goodwill and a desire for God’s will.

Read More