“This book saved my marriage,” a man recently wrote me. He went on: I read your book Love and Respect, and I felt the need to reach out and say thank you. I'm a thirty-year-old man who has gone in and out of several addictions. Sex, porn, drugs—legal and illegal—and alcohol. I've totally burned my wife's trust and for several years now we have been on the brink of divorce. This book opened my eyes for why I do what I do, what I'm looking for, and most importantly, what I need to be giving.Read More
Are you in or have you come through a marital crisis? You could be the innocent victim with a wounded heart who experienced shock or the remorseful offender with a contrite heart who experienced shame. There could have been any number of reasons for the crisis. Typically, though, a crisis falls under one or more of what Emerson refers to as the six A’s: adultery, abandonment, abuse, addiction, adversity, and apathy. Your situation may involve something outside of those, but join Emerson and Jonathan this week as they discuss this topic and email Emerson regarding how you are making it through or made it through the crisis at email@example.com, including if you are listening to this months or years after it was posted. There is an attached document in the show notes available for download to guide your thinking and email.Read More
Have you come through a marital crisis? I’d love to hear your story. You could be the innocent victim with a wounded heart who experienced shock or the remorseful offender with a contrite heart who experienced shame. But before you e-mail me at firstname.lastname@example.org, perhaps you could answer some questions that would spark your memory.
The Six A's
Let me say upfront that there could have been any number of reasons for the crisis.Read More
What should we say to the person who dismisses the Love and Respect approach to relationships by declaring their situation is too complex and the message is too simple? First, seek to agree with the reality of difficult times. The Bible says in 2 Timothy 3:1-5,
"But realize this, that in the last days difficult times will come. For men will be lovers of self, lovers of money, boastful, arrogant, revilers, disobedient to parents, ungrateful, unholy, unloving, irreconcilable, malicious gossips, without self-control, brutal, haters of good, treacherous, reckless, conceited, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God, holding to a form of godliness, although they have denied its power."Read More
Nate & Michelle Johnson went to hell & back in their marriage. Their testimony is a powerful example of what God can do when we trust Him! This is truly an Ephesians 3:20 story! Michelle writes:
Doctors diagnosed me with ADHD, Bi-polar, chronic depression, personality disorder and schizophrenia. Over the years we battled with so much addiction in both of us, in different forms, at different times. Nate and I have had our road trips to hell and back, that is for sure.Read More
Q: My husband is addicted to drugs and it’s destroying our marriage. He refuses to talk about it. What can I do? Dr. E says: As you know, giving advice through email is not the ideal. I desire to serve you with godly wisdom, yet realize I don't have all the pieces, and have not heard both sides. Please keep this in mind as I attempt to help within these limitations. The first thing I suggest is to seek godly, professional guidance from someone who is for your marriage, but understands addiction. Then I suggest following these 3 steps to incorporate Love & Respect into the process:Read More
Have you ever felt like there is so much hell in your marriage that it’s utterly hopeless? That leaving is the ONLY solution? Well, here’s a true story of a marriage that by all accounts was finished. In fact, this couple titled their testimony “How to Get the Hell Out of Your Marriage” after the Devil almost destroyed them. Michelle and Nathan have given us permission to share their incredible story of healing.Read More
When I talk about unconditional respect being equal to unconditional love (Ephesians 5:33), one of the questions I hear the most is some variation of, “Are you telling me I have to unconditionally respect my husband’s bad behavior and become a door mat? Everyone knows respect must be earned!”Read More
One of the questions I hear the most is some variation of, “Are you telling me I have to unconditionally respect my husband’s bad behavior and become a door mat? Everyone knows respect must be earned!”Read More
Q: What if I have respectfully confronted my husband but he continues in his addiction? His drinking is destroying our family! Dr. E says:Read More
Q: It seems like the principles of love and respect are too simplistic. For example, how can you respect a spouse who is committing adultery, has addictions, or is abusive? Dr E says: Let’s not confuse unconditional love or respect with condoning sinful behavior!Read More
I hope you are all practicing using Thankful Words towards your spouse as we approach Thanksgiving Day! But no doubt some of you feel as though you have nothing to be thankful about regarding your spouse.Read More
Recently a wife of an alcoholic wrote me, sharing with me that the teaching of unconditional respect permeates Al-Anon. Al-Anon is an organization created to serve family members of alcoholics.
She wrote, "Al-Anon teaches that everyone deserves respect and dignity and the right to be their own person – no matter what their problems are or how they decide to manage (or not manage) their lives.
I hear this expression many times, "I want to find a way to mend my marriage and get it on the right path" (KW). When I think of Christian couples who have gotten off track in their marriage and feel they have ruined their chances of restoring their marriage, a contemporary phenomena comes to mind. The GPS unit -- the global positioning system.Read More