The 4 Wills of God
Should you take the job? Quit the job? Begin a relationship? End a relationship? Move? Plant roots? How do we find God’s will for life’s big decisions? There is a starting point to discovering God’s Will for your next decision and for your entire life. Discover the freedom you’ve been searching for, and then, like Emerson, you’ll help others find that freedom too.
The Four Wills of God
The Way He Directs Our Steps and Frees Us to Direct Our Own
Discovering God's Will
Emerson Eggerichs believes there is a clear answer to finding God’s will. The Bible itself reveals the clue–a secret hidden in plain sight.
Before launching his Love & Respect marriage ministry with his wife Sarah, Emerson was a senior pastor for nearly 20 years in East Lansing, Michigan. Before that, Emerson and a friend ran a free counseling center called “The Open Door” in Cedar Rapids, Iowa. As Emerson navigated his career he found both he and the people he was counseling were wrestling with big decisions and knowing if that decision was really what God wanted. Immersing himself in God’s word for over 30 hours a week for 19 years, he discovered simple, clear truths that set him and many others free.
Unlocking Freedom
There is a starting point to discovering God’s Will for your next decision and for your entire life. Begin here to read stories of people in the same situations you face today. You’ll be able to discover the freedom you’ve been searching for, and then, like Emerson, you’ll help others find that freedom too.
Read What Others Are Saying About The Four Wills of God!
It was amazing, God anointed it and 6 women made commitments to the first Will of God; Salvation. I just had to tell you and thank you.
Teacher - Rescue Mission
...I recently read The Four Wills of God and I just felt like I should let you know it changed my life...your book helped me see that I couldn't separate certain aspects of God's universal will for my life from His specific will.
Pastor
James
The 4 Will's of God was so good! I teach at the ( . . . ) Women and Children's Rescue Mission. I taught tonight and I taught your 4 Wills message from the TV show that you shared. Praise God! It was amazing, God anointed it and 6 women made commitments to the first Will of God; Salvation. I just had to tell you and thank you.
...I recently read The Four Wills of God and I just felt like I should let you know it changed my life...your book helped me see that I couldn't separate certain aspects of God's universal will for my life from His specific will. In acknowledging and repenting of this I feel as if a door has been opened for me personally and in ministry. God used your book to remind me of some simple truths in a way that I needed to hear them...this is the first time in a long while where I have felt as I did in those early exciting days when I first surrendered to God's unique will for my life. For the first time in a while I feel the adventure of following God is back. I can't wait to see what's next. Thank you for helping me find this again.
I want to thank you for the amazing book The 4 Wills of God!!!!! My entire life I struggled with wanting to know and follow God's will for my life. When I was younger, I always thought there was a perfect will, a perfect life plan, a perfect wife, etc. In 2000 I was doing a part time speaking ministry and teaching school part time - both grew to where I had to choose one or the other. I felt God distinctly letting me know it was up to me to choose either one I wanted. I chose teaching. Your book was a confirmation to me of what God has already been teaching me. I love that it is a lesson that can be explained in 2-3 minutes (I have already shared that with others) and that you also go more in depth in the book. I struggled for many years because I had let lustful thoughts gain control over my life. I realize now that often clouded my spiritual vision of how God wanted to use me. Many blessings to you!!!!!!
Emerson and Sarah Eggerichs
Dr. Emerson Eggerichs is an internationally known public speaker on the topic of male-female relationships. Based on over three decades of pastoring, counseling and study of biblical and scientific research, Dr. Eggerichs and his wife Sarah developed the Love and Respect Conference which they present to live audiences around the country.
About Love & RespectProduct Quotes
We blame people for the bad things we do, but take credit for the good things we do.
You may believe that the careless, unloving or disrespectful words you speak are because your spouse is causing you to speak this way, but Jesus says that it is coming out of your heart.
We are either going to give in the darkness or we are going to give into the darkness.
Unconditional respect means we confront their wrongdoings respectfully. We do not become uncivil because they are. Who they fail to be does not determine who we will be.
God rewards your obedience to love and respect, even if your spouse does not respond!
The Love and Respect message is not about a husband earning his wife’s respect by being more loving any more than it is about a wife earning her husband’s love by being more respectful. Always love or respect is given unconditionally according to God’s commands.
Marriage is a test of how you unconditionally love and respect your spouse as you obey, honor, and please the Lord.
There is power and freedom that comes in understanding that no one can cause you to react in a certain way. It is your choice.
A woman needs love like she needs air to breathe. A man needs respect like he needs air to breathe.
It’s true that women have intuition and that men should listen to them. It’s also true that women have blind spots and need the insight of their husbands.
If a husband chooses to be a peacemaker--taking the needs and concerns of his wife totally into account during any kind of argument or conflict--his wife will be motivated in turn to respond to his authority during stalemates.
If we subscribe to the belief that because we are equal we are the same, then we’re going to expect our spouse to respond the way we do.
Holding back your love or respect will just keep the Crazy Cycle spinning away, but being mature and making the first move could slow it down.
Accentuate the positive and eliminate the negative with lots of love and respect in between.
Often the apparent issue isn’t the real issue; the real issue is always a matter of love or respect.
Can you begin to trust that God feels love for you even when you don’t feel that love?
It’s hard to realize that we would never act around our business associates the way we act around our spouse.
Recognize your different gifts--how each of you (Pink and Blue) functions according to God’s perfect design.
I often stress that one of the greatest rewards any persevering spouse can have is being a good example and influence on the children in the family.
We have different vulnerabilities. We can pass judgment on one another all day long or we can say God made us different and that’s ok.
Being friendly to her man is one of the most effective things a woman can do to strengthen her marriage.
It’s crucial to communicate with the right tone of voice and the right expression on your face.
Thank the Lord for the goodwill each of you has toward the other. Ask Him for strength to give each other the benefit of the doubt during moments when someone’s goodwill seems to be lacking. “He who seeks good finds goodwill, but evil comes to him who searches for it.” (Proverbs 11:27)
When Jesus said “turn the other cheek,” He wasn’t saying to be passive wimps. He was teaching that physically people can control you but if you turn and give the other cheek, suddenly you’re in control and you’re making the choices.
You must “ask God from the wealth of his glory to give you power through his Spirit to be strong in your inner selves.”
[Husbands] the most powerful weapons you have are your ears. Just listen to your wife, and she is much more likely to feel understood.
We all need to wrestle with the spiritual truth that God is good. If you don’t believe God is good, you won’t trust His word. If you don’t trust His word, you will find excuses to ignore His commands.
As a wife, if you can start to understand how important your husband’s work is to him, you will take a giant step toward communicating respect and honor, two things that he values even more than your love.
You both forgive for one simple but profound reason: because you know Christ has forgiven you!
Focus on the positive in the midst of the negative, and the Energizing Cycle will keep right on humming.
Suppressing negative feelings is not loving, respectful or very wise. Speak up tactfully.
Words of Love and Respect must include thankfulness spoken to or about your spouse; don’t fixate on weaknesses and faults.
[Husbands] do you realize the power of just holding your wife’s hand?
Words of Love or Respect must uplift your spouse, edifying- never manipulating him or her.
God designed the woman to love. He’s not going to command her to agape her husband when He created her to do that in the first place. God is not into redundancy.
Before hitting send, ask yourself, "Have I listened carefully and understand the exact issue on the table?"
As mature men, we need to take leadership and put this out on the table. We must acknowledge our feelings- we need to feel respected. However, as we do this we must acknowledge our wife’s feelings- she needs to feel loved!
Your position in Christ is what counts, not your less-than-perfect performance.
When parents genuinely trust and follow the Lord and His ways, their faith spills over onto the children.
Stay the course regardless of the child’s respect and obedience. This is the Family Rewarded Cycle: a parents love unto Christ regardless of the child.
Unconditional respect, like unconditional love, is all about how one sounds (tone of voice and word choice) and appears (facial expressions and physical actions).
Money squabbles don’t undermine love and respect; they simply reveal unloving and disrespectful attitudes, which are the real reason why a marriage can start to wobble on the Crazy Cycle.
Every marriage includes trouble some of the time. Do not let the 20% leaven all the rest.
You’re the only person in the world who can meet your spouse’s deepest need for love and respect. After all, you alone are married to your spouse.
Your marriage is really a tool and a test to deepen and demonstrate your love and reverence for your Lord.
This is the Rewarded Cycle: His love blesses regardless of her respect and her respect blesses regardless of his love.
A parent needs to feel respected, especially during conflicts...A child need to feel loved, especially during disputes.
Just because you may feel unloved or disrespected does not mean your spouse is sending that message.
If you want your husband to express appreciation for your attempts to be respectful, you must speak thankfully when he tries to be loving.
To get offended is easy, but to forgive is within your power as you walk in His steps.
When evil comes at you, you’re the one who makes the choice of whether or not it is going to go into you.
Mutual understanding, not communication, is the key to a healthy marriage relationship.
She’s not wrong for not being male. He is not wrong for not being female. When you put pink and blue together, you get purple, the color of royalty; the color of God. Together, a husband and wife reflect God’s image.
Wives, you never know: The way you handle this [conflict] might bring your husband not only back to you, but to God. Husbands, you never know: The way you handle this [conflict] might bring your wife not only back to you, but to God. (1 Corinthians 7:16)
Your wife feels you are open with her when you discuss financial concerns, possible job changes or ideas for your future.
When a husband chooses to do or say something loving, and that includes saying, ‘I’m sorry for coming across in an unloving way,’ he energizes his wife. When a wife decides to express herself respectfully, and that includes apologizing for her disrespectful attitude, she energizes her husband.
Although the Crazy Cycle is not what God intends for any marriage, all couples get on it at times from one degree to another.
He will feel appreciated when you recognize his problem-solving approach as his male brand of empathy.
There is a plan to parent God’s way, even when our children may seek to go their own way at time. The secret is to follow this plan regardless. When you do, I believe you succeed in His eyes.
God is not pink. God is not blue. God is purple. When two become one, they have the potential of displaying God’s attributes and character.
We fool ourselves into thinking the other person causes us to be the way we are. They really don’t! But if we lock into that idea, we become helpless, hopeless victims.
Be quick to listen and understand and you have a much better chance of being understood.
Your husband knows you value his friendship when you tell him you like him and you show it (he knows you love him, but he often wonders if you really like him).
Parenting is a faith venture. As we parent “unto Christ” we reap God’s reward, “knowing that whatever good anyone does, he will receive the same from the Lord” (Eph. 6:8 NKJV)
To build a lasting legacy, use proven wisdom that you glean from the Lord.
When you possess a forgiving spirit, words of Love and Respect will flow authentically from your lips- and realize that the Lord Himself is listening to you at moments like these. He knows you are not powerless, but actually full of power that He has granted you.
Above all trust God when the “whys” of life threaten to overwhelm you.
As a husband, if you can grasp that you don’t always have to solve your wife’s problems, you will take a giant step toward showing her empathy and understanding.
Optimism or pessimism? It is always a choice, no matter what your natural temperament.
[Husbands] as the church places her burdens on Christ, so a woman needs to place her burdens on her husband. When she shares with you, don’t assume she is asking you to solve the problem. Ask your wife, “Do you want a solution or a listening ear?”
When a wife feels unloved, it can be such a shock to her heart that she is oblivious to her disrespectful reactions toward her husband, though any man watching could see it plainly.
Each of you must focus on what God is calling you to do toward your spouse. Do not focus on what you think God is calling your spouse to do toward you.
It is so easy to draw wrong conclusions about a spouse’s character and motives due to an occasional flare-up or silly comment.
Husbands primarily want to hear ‘respect” talk during conflict. Wives primarily want to hear “love” talk during conflict.
Christian maturity involves a lot of things, but surely it includes knowing how to process your anger.
As you pray together, you will truly learn to love and respect together.
In the ultimate sense you marriage has nothing to do with your spouse. It has everything to do with your relationship with Jesus Christ.
We get on the Crazy Cycle because without love a wife reacts without respect, and without respect a husband reacts without love.
God’s commands are there to help us, not to hinder us or hold us back as male and female.
When we speak before we think, we widen the chances the other person(s) will be notably hurt, frustrated, confused, angry, fearful, or offended by something we’ve communicated.
Most marriages will succeed when obeying the command to Love and Respect.
Since it is easy to focus on the negative, focus on your mate’s good qualities and express thanks with positive words of Love or Respect.
Responding to offensive words or actions with your own offensive words and actions is damaging and unproductive.
When you love or respect unconditionally regardless of the outcome, you are following God and His will for you.
One thing to remember in this culture is if we say something complimentary towards one gender, we aren’t saying something against the other.
He will feel appreciated when you disagree with him only in private and honor his authority in front of the kids.