Let’s Talk 

As we close out this last session, there are many valuable truths to take with you on your journey to being a respectful wife. This week the PERSONAL TIME content has been incorporated with the Let’s Talk video discussion questions. Take turns reading the short paragraphs during your group time and discuss the supporting questions. 

Reward

1. Clearly the Bible teaches that the Lord intends to reward you as you make the decision to put on respect. That’s why we call our last section of our teaching the Rewarded Cycle, which says: “His love blesses regardless of her respect and her respect blesses regardless of his love.” 

Regardless of his love means it’s unconditional. But why would you do something unconditional? Because you are doing it unto Jesus Christ (Ephesians 5:22) in response to a command from the Father, who has your best interest at heart. And no act of respect goes unrewarded in God’s Kingdom! The apostle Paul continues in the larger section with an overarching principle: "The Lord will reward each one for whatever good they do, whether they are slave or free" (Ephesians 6:8 NIV). For example, every wife who puts on respect will be rewarded. Nothing is wasted. Everything matters. 

We use this visual of Jesus standing beyond the shoulder of your husband. Christ is saying, “Unto me, put on respect…you are a dignified woman, put on respect in your demeanor, soften that sour look, don’t put that hand on the hip, don’t be scolding with the finger, don’t sigh and roll the eyes and use that contemptuous word. Soften all of that. Speak respectfully, speak truthfully, but speak honorably not just to your husband but to Me. This is about Me. Speak words of respect unto Me.” 

• Does envisioning Christ behind your husband’s shoulder during conflict make your suffering easier to endure? How would that image help you in your actions/reactions? Are you willing to try this visual exercise, to keep your focus on doing this unto Christ? 
• Proverbs 11:18 (NIV) says, “He who sows righteousness reaps a sure reward.”Does it help to know none of your acts of obedience are wasted, even when your husband doesn’t respond as you would like? Why or why not? 

Purpose of Marriage

2. What is the purpose of marriage? Procreation and pleasure, the theologians say. But it is also a tool and a test to deepen and demonstrate your love and your reverence for Jesus Christ. The Lord is using your marriage in such a way that you will hear, “Well done, good and faithful servant.” 

We know your husband can be an irritant, just like a speck of sand in our eye causes blindness, or produces a pearl in an oyster. Pressure applied reveals the inner properties of a skunk as well as a rose…producing quite different aromas! 

• How do you see God using your spouse to deepen and demonstrate your relationship to Christ? 
• Under pressure, do you become a skunk or a rose? 
• What will you do to address your “offensive inner properties” that are revealed? 

We Are Not Helpless and Hopeless

3. We fool ourselves into thinking the other person causes us to be the way we are. They really don’t! But if we lock into that idea, we become helpless, hopeless victims. 

This doesn’t mean your spouse doesn’t affect you and it doesn’t mean that you aren’t going to have moments. But in the deepest core of your being, no one else determines who you are. Mature people come to that point and they do so because they subscribe to this principle: My response is my responsibility. Can you say that? “My response is my responsibility.” Your husband does not cause you to be disrespectful. He reveals that you are disrespectful. Ouch! 

We need to be challenged to be bigger people. Many of us envision suffering and dying for Christ but we can’t live with our spouse! At some point we need to be challenged that this is where the Lord is watching - in the home - and He is saying “You can do this.” The reward that He is going to give us isn’t monetary - it’s an eternal reward. 

But even here on earth, this realization that my response is my responsibility brings power and freedom. No one can get you to show contempt or hostility. That becomes your choice. It is your choice to love; it is your choice to respect; and no one can prevent you from responding in that way. You are not a hopeless, helpless victim! 

• Discuss this principle of “my response is my responsibility” and the reality that no one can cause you to act or behave a certain way. Do you believe it? Is this liberating for you? Why or why not? 
• Share your thoughts on the truth that your husband doesn’t cause you to be who you are – he reveals who you are. 

Remember, if you feel shame and guilt over your behavior, there is grace and freedom that comes with confession and repentance. Then, begin again – asking the Lord to help you each step of the way. 

Test of Faith

4. This really is a test of faith. In fact, it really is a moment where we have to say, “I am going to focus on me. This is all about me, doing what God has called me to do.” The challenge here is to look at Jesus Christ beyond the shoulder of your spouse. The challenge is to envision the fact that you are going to be standing before the Lord one day, giving an account of your life. Will you be ready? 

God is giving you an opportunity to trust that as you put on respect toward your husband, one day when you stand before Jesus and He looks you in the eye, you will hear, “Well done, good and faithful servant! You have been faithful with a few things; I will put you in charge of many things. Come and share your master’s happiness” (Matthew 25:23 NIV). 

Really Lord? Yes! And you will turn and go, “AHHH!” 

We call that the unending first moment. That moment will go on forever and ever and ever. As a Godly woman and a lover of Christ, envision that moment coming. Do you really believe? If you really believe, put on respect toward your husband because standing beyond his shoulder is Jesus. He’s going to say to you “well done,” and what you are going to receive throughout eternity for what you do for a few short years is incomparable! That’s why He said, “No eye has seen, no ear has heard, no mind has conceived what God has prepared for those who love him” (1 Corinthians 2:9 NIV). 

• Talk about how we can live in this reality, daily, that everything we do in our marriage is preparing us for that moment. 
• Share with one another what you have learned through this study and how you plan to stay the course so you can hear, “Well done!” 

Ponder This: A strong woman of dignity puts on respect out of her love and reverence for Jesus Christ. She trusts that His Word not only protects and empowers her but also rewards her with incomprehensible eternal blessings. She stays the course with the bigger picture in mind. 

Let’s Pray 

Listen again to the prayer on the video with Emerson and Sarah. Or pray your own prayer together, asking God to empower you to set your sights on what is eternal and to guide, encourage, and correct you as you commit to being unconditionally respectful in your marriage. Praise Him for the blessings you have experienced and will experience in Eternity!